Friday, October 24, 2014

Friday Misery - "Bye" does not = "Off"

Your fake juice makes me sick
sitting there all fat on your bye week hitting F5 refresh on your keyboard like you don't having nuthin better to do than check to see if there's any tiny shred of a morsel of Gurley news even though your chicken nuggets have been burning in the oven for three hours and you've been banned from the dawgvent for over a week you just can't help but resist the urge to scratch your lazy ass so that you can just somehow manage to open this new message bored account and be able to post...

Jus hurd gurlee spended for the res of the seeson. Tessted posituve for meth last weak. I'v gotta go under cover and feed my cat for a minute. Be back tonight with mor detales.
You're gonna need a bigger bridge for your troubled water asshole.

Joy. So proud to call you a fellow fan, dipshit. Does your name begin with a "B" and end with a "ryan Allen"? No? Well, you're soaking in it asshole.

Seriously, you make me sick. I make me sick. She makes me sick. He makes me really sick. We all, as a make me sick conglomerate, make me ill in my stupid stomach. We're like Mark May talking out his mouth hole sideways again stupid. We can't resist looking ahead and past Jacksonville. We just can't resist chattingtweetingtalkingpostingblabbering about how bad Florida is and how dead they are when Gurley gets back there in the Wild Dawg. "They're so bad and Muschamp's gonna get fired and They shouldn't even show up and OMG did you see what Missouri did?"


I'm a dipshit. She's a dipshit. He's mostest definitely a dipshit. Together we're all a bunch of stupid ignorant morons. Way...WAY...WAY!!!!..below Ron Zook level of being and performing as an idiot. Because his sorry ass beat Georgia. TWICE!

Get your head up Captain Craptastic! It's a bye week, but it's not an off week for hating Florida. Because there IS NO off week for hating Florida. We're committed to this every year, every month, every week and every day.


7.6 pounds of a Hersman hopeful
She was rescued from the state of Tennessee. Then brought to the Atlanta area by the good folks at Labrador Friends of the South. Mrs. Bernie wanted to foster her while the little ball of mess waits for her permanent home. We discussed it as a family. I tried my best to temper the enthusiasms of the preteen girls in attendance. I stressed the amount of work a puppy takes. The commitment she would demand. The noise she would generate during hours normally reserved for sleeping.

Lastly I reminded them of the family dog. "Munson" is not always social. Like the old guy running his mouth in between bites of chicken, he's old and set in his ways. Then Mrs. Bernie asked for a show of hands.

The vote was a landslide. So I'd like to introduce you to "Gurley Gurl".

Also known as "Little Miss Pisspot". 

That's how we roll. It's a bye week. Not an off week. Gonna spend it training - doing reps yo! Some crate training, potty training, girly giggles, barking, yelping, 3am yard walking, feeding, sniffing puppy breath, potty training, buying more paper towels, yelping, and more giggling. So let us please close in prayer...Dear Lord, please let us appreciate every moment not subjected to mullets in jorts. Thank you for finding even more spare room in Bernie's House of Estrogen for this adorable ball of fur and please let the cute little booger sleep through the night. Thank you and Amen.

Georgia-Florida Golf Classic

Totally dropped the ball on this as I meant to post it earlier. Robbie Burns passed this along on the Facebook page, so I wanted to put it here as well for anyone heading down early next week.
GEORGIA-FLORIDA GOLF CLASSIC on Jekyll Island Former ‪#‎UGA‬ defensive end Matt Storm is one of 16 celebrity players at The Georgia-Florida Golf Classic on ‪#‎JekyllIsland‬ October 29-31. Register at
Make it happen! Sounds like a great way to start the weekend. Go Dawgs!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Talking Dawgs during the Bye Week

Following up Blutarsky and Tyler wasn't an easy task, but someone had to do it. Many thanks to Marc and Fletcher for the invite to join them on their podcast as well as Groo of dawgsonline. If you don't follow their work, you should. It was fun to take a few moments to look back on the season thus far as well as ahead as what we might can expect. And I'll forgive Fletcher for trying to get me to look past Florida.  :)

Thanks again guys! Go Dawgs!

Dogbytes Online

Team, then Gurley.

The more you read, the more you like. Take this nugget from Emerson for instance:
The reason Gurley didn't practice the day he was suspended was because Richt gave him the choice, and Gurley worried he would be a distraction.
"He wanted the coaches to at least for one practice to do whatever we needed to do to get the other guys ready to go," Richt said. "But the next week he was ready to be there. I think it was good medicine for him."
Personally, I'm well past the "he was being selfish" comments. Well past. After reading that quote from Richt it's clear that Gurley puts his team first.

There is no running back controversy

Nick Chubb sounds like a guy that wouldn't mind a bit if he got the chance to pass the torch.
"Everyone was happy with what we did without Todd,” Chubb said, “but if he comes back it’s even better.”

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode three

Looks like the rest of their games are cancelled.

h/t Mac

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

NCAA to #freeGurley

Papers faxed. Now we wait. Hope Sallee is right.

Gurley, Chubb, and my own selfishness

I want Gurley to play against Florida. But am I alone in feeling that the reason I want to see Gurley play in Jacksonville has considerable less desperation to it after Chubb's dominant performances on the road? Reading over Cory's breakdown last night of how the offensive line performed in Little Rock doesn't put me at peace with the whole memorabilia mess, but it sure helps me breathe easier rewatching the highlights of Chubb running free and seeing the still frames of some of those holes Boss and Co. made in the Razorback defensive front.

I want Gurley to play against Florida. But it's now for mostly selfish reasons and less desperate reasons.

Humpday Hilarity - five stages of gator grief

Courtesy of DawgByte

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode two

Meet Hurschelle.

I mean, you've seen him before. But allow me to tell you his story.

You see, Hurschelle was born in the summer of 1980 in Fort Lauderdale to Gertrude and Lowell Pendergrass. Gertrude and Lowell met while working at a University of Florida dining hall in the mid '70s. They drank too much Stroh's one night after Wheel of Fortune and Lowell lost his pants. Nine months later Hurschelle Pendergrass was born on the same day that Herschel Walker did 2000 sit ups before driving to Athens GA one morning to meet a Coach Dooley in the pre-dawn hours outside of McWhorter Hall.

Somehow Hurschelle never made his parents proud. On the day in 1982 when Georgia's tailback carried the ball 47 times to beat Florida, Hurschelle got so excited by the radio broadcast that he threw up the beef jerky and cheerwine his parents had been feeding him all day then promptly uttered his first word - "Daw!"

From that moment on he became more and more distant from his parents. For one, they were too wrapped up in their new careers in pest control management to pay much attention to Hurschelle. And two, he never seemed to fully grasp the concept of not wetting the bed, which you can imagine became quite frustrating for parents with a collective IQ just north of 110. It was all cause for much family discord and is likely the reason Lowell never watched Wheel of Fortune ever again.

Still, Hurschelle went on to an amazing high school career as the local high school mascot and parking lot monitor. He was hated by everyone yet continually yearned to fit in. A few months from graduation he finally gained the attention of the lunchroom ladies when he shaved the name "Wuerffel" in the side of his scalp. Except, he spelled it "Wurlfull". Nevertheless, the sight of it made the tater tots attendant so dizzy she gave Hurschelle an extra two whole tots.

Despite Hurschelle's extra-curricular strides, he wasn't able to obtain admission into the Univ. of Florida. Instead he begged his dad for a recommendation and eventually was able to land a job as a dish attendant in the same dining hall where his parents met.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. As Hurschelle was ridiculed daily by the douchebags that wore the same #7 jersey that he wore. Daily. Yet, his campus ID allowed him two employee tickets each season and he made the most of it each time, always hoping his dad would acknowledge him as a good, honest, jort wearing mullet king.

And still he failed. Continually. Until one day in 2003, when he attended the Florida-San Jose State season opener and got a picture of Chris Leak sitting on the bench. His dad had it framed and set it on the Zenith in the den. The irony of it is that the picture was incidental. Hurschelle was attempting to photograph a Dotted Skipper that had landed on the Gatorade cooler next to Leak. It would have made quite an artifact in his butterfly collection.

Photography is a hobby, not a profession, for Hurschelle. When you see him a week from Saturday, ask him if he can use his Nokia 3210 to take a selfie with you. Should make for a fun few minutes while waiting in line for the port-o-let.