Friday, October 31, 2014

Friday Misery - You win this game. You win it.

This is gotta be short and sour. Because time is of the essence. I am overdue for the greatest event of the year - The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. That being said, once the hate for flerda starts flowing I am at its will until it is done. Let's see what happens.

Five star, sub 4.4 forty hate
For 363 and one quarter days a year I'm old, oddly disproportionate, out of shape, slow to grasp simple tasks, easy to forget many others, mostly sedentary, unathletic, lacking unimpaired mobility, awkwardly coordinated...you know, whatever the opposite of agile is. And I rely a lot on fake juice to get me through the day.

Also, I'm not fast. Did I mention that already?


The other forty-eight hours of the year I'm a world beater. I am quick to action and get there with authority, purpose, and ill-will oozing out my fingertips. I have the strength of ten men and my muscles are always ready to break bones as easily as spirits. My mind sifts through the unessentials with great ease, eager to focus on the most important task at hand. And when needed, I can change directions at full gait, as if my body were on rails destined for complete and utter destruction.


Those two days a year started this morning at 12:01am. For two days I can hate scripted helmets with ease and effortlessness, yet with the ruthlessness and the intensity of a runaway train. I can look down on the tallest, most egregiously degenerate Gator fan as if they were the smallest, most insignificant puddle of piss on the sidewalk of Gainesville Fla. I can go from 0-60 in the blink of an eye, ready to show those goddamn cretins what a party is supposed to look like and just how down my hunker can get. And just when they get that slack-jawed, dumbass look on their ugly stupid face, I'll look deeply into their vacant, beady little eyes and say:

My name is Bernie. I am here to repel your evil and your stupid fucking ignorance with just
my presence and this cup of bourbon in my hand. I know more about football and this series than all of the 3rd grade multiplication facts you couldn't wrap your brain around twenty years ago. And because my mom is not also my aunt and I wasn't born in a dilapidated single wide on the wrong side of the swamp, I can dress myself like a normal, red-blooded, GOTdamn American. Get outta my face with your haphazardly cut off jeans and your tired ass tebow jersey with the skoal stains and the eight year stench. Crawl back into your hole in the ground and wait for basketball season when you can look down at your toes and try and remember how many points a basket is worth. Yes, take your cardboard box of shitty beer and go ask the other village idiot to remind you how to open each can. Then drink away the rest of the day so when you tell your friends you were here you won't piss your jorts again at the memory of me telling you what your whole life's existence is screaming at you - Timmy's not walking back through that door dipshit. So you might as well make it another date with your right hand and call it an early night.

Go Dawgs!

/ends rant, refills, smiles

Here. Now.
You don't win this game just to get to Atlanta. God knows we've lost enough times in Jacksonville and still managed to back our way in downtown. And you don't win this game just to give yourself an excuse to celebrate and eat the rest of the leftover Halloween candy that you told all the neighbors' children you most definitely didn't have left in the house. "See, the bowl's empty. No more candy Sorry little Frozen girl and cute zombie kid."

No, you win this game because you're Georgia. You win this game because it's what is right with God and somewhere it is even written into the Constitution of the United States of America. You win this game because Nat Hudson once threw a block so that Larry could break his metal steel chair with about a five inch cushion. You win this game because Hutson Mason tells you to. You win this game because no matter what they ever do or amount to in life, they still dress like third grade, low rent poverty with drool on their chins. 
You beat Missouri because they are just in the way. You beat Arkansas because they wanted you to do it. But you win this game because it's history. It's in the very fabric of our being, our existence as Georgia Bulldogs. You win this game because it's what Lindsay ran so far for that day and why Herschel toted the rock 47 times in one afternoon in order to put them back in their place. You win this game because Mark Richt says you need to.

Here now! You win this game because while they were planning to slither over the state for the afternoon we were packing cars and trucks and RVs and boats. While they were sleeping in, we were setting up the tailgate with one hand and trying not to spill the Bloody Mary with the other. You win this game so that when they clap their hands like a fool you can just point to the scoreboard and thereby end other successful cycle of two days...forty-eight full hours in which all you did was hate the University of Florida.

You win this game. You win it.

Now, enough talk. Let's do. But first, bow your heads.....Dear Lord we only ask that you help us contain our enthusiasm the first time Brendan Douglas and Nick Chubb trucks a damn gator. For deep down we will know we want more of that. All day long. Amen.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Gator Hate Check - 2 days

I've hit the road and will pretty much be well outside of wifi as well as efficient cognitive capabilities until Sunday evening. Have the keys to the victory in the queue for Saturday and the Misery for tomorrow. Other than those (and maybe a pic or two while tailgating), posting will be light.

And I hope you truly don't give a shit about that. I hope that you don't give a shit about it because I hope you are too busy a) traveling down your own self to make time for something stupid I put up here for you to look at with your eyes and maybe read, b) too busy hating gators, or c) spending time with your family.

Like this shitbrick.


In case you don't recognize it, that's a pre-Sad Papa John's pizza smile. Sure, it's a little bit forced. That's because he's uncomfortable being around people that use phrases like "No Urbie. Our son's name is Nate, not Tim." Or "Why don't you log off that internet porn site dad so that we can have this Thanksgiving meal together?" Or, "Honey, I'm sick of hanging around these godless and ignorant people. Find a new job so we can finally move out of Florida.

Urban Meyer, /n./ - the only coach to ever win two championships and still manage to leave a program in ruin. (Also, see shitbrick.)

Gurley and an awkward, imperfect moral compass

In order to close this chapter...

No one is innocent. Everyone is guilty.

I've said before that in the long run, Todd Gurley is least affected by this. In the long run he'll be well compensated for his talents, as he should be. For now, he did something he knew was wrong and is being punished.

For everyone else the message is clear - if you play by the rules you're only hurting yourself.

UGAA thought they had a case for immediate reinstatement after two games. Then the NCAA asked for more information. We know UGA sent them what was requested over the weekend. Evidently, whatever that was changed the whole picture.

We learned this with AJ Green back in 2010. That fiasco started as a false report by an entertainment website that Green had been in on those summer trips down to Miami. Before the NCAA was even involved AJ had posted to social media a time stamped picture of him four wheeling on a farm. But the NCAA dug deeper and found the $1000.

Four games.

Back to Gurley, he was one of many college athletes being pursued by these scumbags. He's one of many that have received money for signing their own name. But he's the one that owned up to his mistake...and plays under a program that plays by the book.

When I'm on I-85 and I'm surrounded by cars going ten to fifteen miles over the speed limit, it becomes easier to press the gas pedal a little harder. But when I'm the one that gets pulled over, well, I only have myself to blame.
Tackled on Wednesday instead of Saturday.

That was a little uncomfortable comparing myself (albeit in an awkward way) to Todd Gurley. But I hope you see my point. I don't blame Todd Gurley for doing what he did. I probably would've done the same thing if I were him. And I know I also would've owned up to it just as he did. He's no more a victim in this than I am the next time I'm pulled over for going 75 in a 65 zone. But he's not necessarily in the wrong either. At least the way I see it.

Now, what's next may get a little (more) awkward. The two parties in this that are wrong are the NCAA and UGA. First, the NCAA knows this rule is antiquated and flat out bullshit. They had a chance to slap a good guy on the wrist while also patting him on the back for owning up to the mistake. Instead they punished him further and made an example of him. Todd Gurley is their trophy they now have on display in Indy. The placard reads "Todd Gurley used his own likeness against our wishes and he is being punished for this foul deed!"

Next, UGA handled this in a way that makes me proud as an alum. They stood up for Gurley and did their best to get him back on the field where he belongs. And they did that within the framework of the "governing" institution's laws and protocol. They held their head high once the investigation was complete and were confident in the process and the outcome. And I truly believe they had reason to feel that way.

But if we've learned anything, the NCAA can't be trusted to do what's right. So the next time this happens I wouldn't blame Butts-Mehre for going in a different direction. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Treon Harris has the "it" factor

Nabulsi did a nice Q&A with Landon Watnick of InsideTheGators.com. Here's what he said about Florida's new starter under center.
"Harris cannot turn over the ball and needs to play within himself. That's what first-year offensive coordinator Kurt Roper wants to see from the 5-foot-11, 190-pound Harris, a quick, elusive freshman who can extend plays and do damage with his feet. Since he arrived at UF in only June, Harris hasn't had as much time to absorb Roper's playbook as his other fellow quarterbacks. While he has a strong arm, Harris isn't an incredibly accurate passer. But what separates him from the rest of Florida's signal callers are his knack for making plays and the "it" factor - what Florida coaches and players describe as Harris' cool, collected demeanor in the pocket. Sometimes Harris tries to extend plays too much, but as a dual threat he opens up plenty of opportunities for his tailbacks in the zone read. Roper affirmed Tuesday that he doesn't plan on scaling back the playbook for Harris, who's still learning some aspects of this offense. Although the freshman doesn't have nearly as much experience at Driskel, he's certainly an improvement. It really couldn't get any worse at quarterback previously." 
Like I said yesterday, even if Harris does "play within himself", there's a lot being placed on this guy's shoulders. Get after him early and often before he finds a rhythm.

New Everbank video board

You remember these guys?

Yesterday Jason sent this pic taken from his helicopter. He thought y'all might like to see the new digs around Everbank.


Pretty cool. Can't thank those guys enough for what they do for our country. Go Dawgs!

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Gator Hate check, 3 days

Steven Orr Spurrier.

“Why is it that during recruiting season they sign all the great players, but when it comes time to play the game, we have all the great players? I don’t understand that. What happens to them?” (via LostLettermen)

He went 1-2 against Georgia as a player. Ever since that last beatdown he took in 1966 as a senior (a game in which Florida was considered a favorite and one week after Spurrier kicked the winning field goal against Auburn to all but seal the deal for him being awarded the Heisman) he's had it out for Georgia. And he turned the whole series around in 1990 when he took over the reins down in Gainesville and he hasn't let up on Georgia since.

It's an ironic and symbiotic relationship - He HATES us and We HATE him. Now, maybe if he'd've only thrown two picks against us back in 1966 he wouldn't hate us as much. But we'd still hate him more. Because he'll always be the head gator; the one to blame for their ceaseless idiotic pompousness.

NCAA: "Please keep your seat Mr. Gurley"

From confidence to concern to impatience to kicked in the balls.
Georgia star running back Todd Gurley will serve two more games as part of his suspension for accepting more than $3,000 in cash from multiple memorabilia dealers for his autograph, the NCAA announced Wednesday morning.
That means the Bulldogs won’t have Gurley for Saturday’s game against Florida in Jacksonville and next week’s game at Kentucky.
It also almost certainly ends any chances Gurley had to contend for the Heisman Trophy.
The NCAA said Gurley took money from “multiple individuals” for autographed memorabilia and other items over two years.
Gurley must repay a portion of the money to a charity of his choice and complete 40 hours of community service.

He will be eligible to play Nov. 15 against Auburn.
As far as the discrepancy in the UGA and NCAA findings, my guess is the NCAA went with supposition instead of the facts that UGA actually uncovered. But that's just a dangerous and unsubstantiated guess. We'll likely never know the full details. However, UGA was extremely confident. It just turned out to be overly so.

I also don't expect much promptness in the appeal that UGA is making on Gurley's behalf.

There's a lot to process. And my time is short right now. But I'll close this with one thought on Todd Gurley's future. I wouldn't blame him at all if he just said goodbye. Repaying the money is a huge burden for any college athlete, especially a guy that comes from basically nothing and isn't allowed to make money anyway. And the 40 hours community service is just an extra slap in the face (unless he's allowed to do that in place of the monetary restitution).

I don't know Todd Gurley personally. From what little I do know of him I don't believe he's the kind of guy to just walk away from his team. Sure, it'd make all the sense in the world to not risk injury by continuing to play under a conglomeration of bullshit such as the NCAA. He's months from making millions of dollars because he's an exceptional talent.

However, all indications are he's an exceptional teammate as well. There has to be a load on his mind. I don't know of anyone that would blame him if he protected himself professionally at this point in his life since no one around him could do that for him as an amateur.

Lot of responsibility (pressure) being put on Treon Harris' shoulders

The young man is quickly becoming one of the keys to the game. And his teammates seem eager to see what he can do as the starter.
"He has ability just to make plays,” senior center Max Garcia said. “When he is in the
pocket, if someone is coming in from the left side, he'll scramble right and throw the ball 30 yards down the field. I really like that about him.
“He has this good pocket awareness, and he adds a really strong arm, too. He makes tons of plays in practice, unbelievable plays. I'm like, 'Man, this guy is a special player.' I really just want to see him transition what he does on the practice field to the game because he can make those plays and give us that excitement."
For the record, Harris has appeared in three games this season, going 12/18 for 263 yards, three touchdowns and one interception. He's also rushed for 51 yards on 15 attempts and has one touchdown on the ground.

If he makes some plays early (especially with his arm) it would be a huge confidence boost for a struggling team desperate for anything positive after three endless weeks of nothing but negative. One the other hand, if Pruitt's defense takes charge early, it'd be a helluva downer.

One way or the other, we should know by the end of the first half if Harris was a band-aid or a healing salve.

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode six

My parents used to visit St. Simons every year. Dad had a conference down there and he'd take the family for a mini-vacation. Recently the folks re-visited SSI after a couple decades away. When they returned I asked them how they liked it. Not surprisingly they didn't want to leave.

I can relate. If I could live anywhere on Earth it'd be in Athens GA. Next, it would be St. Simons Island. So when it comes to GA/fla weekend, I always prefer to stay there for these reasons: 1) Dawg friendly 2) beautiful coastal town 3) it's in Georgia where I prefer my hard earned dollars to go.

And each year before I leave for the coast, I always make this plea on behalf of everyone who enjoys St. Simons as much as I do, but mostly for everyone who lives there - clean up your trash. Don't act like you wear jorts and date your sister. It'll be a much better experience for everyone if you all just manage you own waste.

Unlike this guy...

Tebow can't heal what ails that guy.

Now, if you are heading to the beach on Friday to get your drink on, here's some late breaking news from a SSI resident.
Bulldog fans who stop in St. Simons to celebrate on Friday prior to the Georgia-Florida football game should be aware that the traditional site for tailgating will be unsafe due to high afternoon tides, and festivities instead will take place near the Coast Guard station.

Ample parking, as well as live radio broadcasts from 103Q and 104.0 The Wave, will be available near the station, just a little farther up the beach. High tide will peak at 3 p.m.

The following day, fans are invited to join UGA Marine Extension and Georgia Sea Grant, units of the UGA Office of Public Service and Outreach, at the seventh annual St. Simons Island Beach Sweep. The clean up will begin at 7:30 a.m. on Nov. 1, with volunteers meeting at the Coast Guard station beach boardwalk.

Held in partnership with Keep Brunswick-Golden Isles Beautiful, Glynn County, Green Scene of Coastal Georgia, Brunswick Golden Isles Chamber of Commerce and Georgia’s Coastal Resources Division of DNR, volunteers will pick up cans, plastic foam coolers, cigarette butts and other litter left behind by tailgaters.

In 2013, county workers and volunteers collected over 21,000 pounds of litter from St. Simons beaches, parks and parking lots during the three-day weekend.

Tailgaters are being urged to leave their plastic foam coolers at home, as they can easily break apart and enter the ocean. To support this message, Parker’s convenience stores on St. Simons Island will sell special 100 percent recyclable UGA-themed coolers. From October 30-November 1, they are offering to switch these out for free in exchange for fans’ undamaged foam coolers, while supplies last.   (h/t Buddy)
So, who would you rather look like this weekend: the guy cleaning up the trash..or the guy about to get taken out with it?


Humpday Hilarity hates gators that laugh too damn much

"So...So...so then urbin Meyers called hisself a timeout jus' ta needle dem dogs some mor'!!!..."

"N' then he did it agin!!!!"