Saturday, October 25, 2014

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode four

Today I'd like to introduce you to drunk gator fan. Because he has an important message:

"FUNK EE!! YOU MY FUNK!!"

How do I know that's what he was saying? Well, 1) he's a drunk shirtless florida fan and those words actually make sense to him and those that surround him, and 2) his sister/girlfriend/roommate is tweeting it as he speaks it. Yes, actually, she is literate.

UPDATE
Drunk Flerda Fan just emailed in to tell us he's finally finished his first course towards his GED. So he's totally on track towards applying to Univ. of Florida for Spring 2019 admission.

So I think I speak for all of us when I type, "FUNK EE!! YOU MY FUNK!!"

Friday, October 24, 2014

Friday Misery - "Bye" does not = "Off"

Your fake juice makes me sick
sitting there all fat on your bye week hitting F5 refresh on your keyboard like you don't having nuthin better to do than check to see if there's any tiny shred of a morsel of Gurley news even though your chicken nuggets have been burning in the oven for three hours and you've been banned from the dawgvent for over a week you just can't help but resist the urge to scratch your lazy ass so that you can just somehow manage to open this new message bored account and be able to post...

Jus hurd gurlee spended for the res of the seeson. Tessted posituve for meth last weak. I'v gotta go under cover and feed my cat for a minute. Be back tonight with mor detales.
You're gonna need a bigger bridge for your troubled water asshole.

Joy. So proud to call you a fellow fan, dipshit. Does your name begin with a "B" and end with a "ryan Allen"? No? Well, you're soaking in it asshole.

Seriously, you make me sick. I make me sick. She makes me sick. He makes me really sick. We all, as a make me sick conglomerate, make me ill in my stupid stomach. We're like Mark May talking out his mouth hole sideways again stupid. We can't resist looking ahead and past Jacksonville. We just can't resist chattingtweetingtalkingpostingblabbering about how bad Florida is and how dead they are when Gurley gets back there in the Wild Dawg. "They're so bad and Muschamp's gonna get fired and They shouldn't even show up and OMG did you see what Missouri did?"

BREAKING: 2002 CALLED AND IS STILL WAITING ON A VALID ARGUMENT TO COME OUTTA THAT GAP JUST NORTH OF YOUR CHIN.

I'm a dipshit. She's a dipshit. He's mostest definitely a dipshit. Together we're all a bunch of stupid ignorant morons. Way...WAY...WAY!!!!..below Ron Zook level of being and performing as an idiot. Because his sorry ass beat Georgia. TWICE!

Get your head up Captain Craptastic! It's a bye week, but it's not an off week for hating Florida. Because there IS NO off week for hating Florida. We're committed to this every year, every month, every week and every day.

DONT MAKE ME USE ANY MORE ALL CAPS!!!

7.6 pounds of a Hersman hopeful
She was rescued from the state of Tennessee. Then brought to the Atlanta area by the good folks at Labrador Friends of the South. Mrs. Bernie wanted to foster her while the little ball of mess waits for her permanent home. We discussed it as a family. I tried my best to temper the enthusiasms of the preteen girls in attendance. I stressed the amount of work a puppy takes. The commitment she would demand. The noise she would generate during hours normally reserved for sleeping.

Lastly I reminded them of the family dog. "Munson" is not always social. Like the old guy running his mouth in between bites of chicken, he's old and set in his ways. Then Mrs. Bernie asked for a show of hands.

The vote was a landslide. So I'd like to introduce you to "Gurley Gurl".

Also known as "Little Miss Pisspot". 

That's how we roll. It's a bye week. Not an off week. Gonna spend it training - doing reps yo! Some crate training, potty training, girly giggles, barking, yelping, 3am yard walking, feeding, sniffing puppy breath, potty training, buying more paper towels, yelping, and more giggling. So let us please close in prayer...Dear Lord, please let us appreciate every moment not subjected to mullets in jorts. Thank you for finding even more spare room in Bernie's House of Estrogen for this adorable ball of fur and please let the cute little booger sleep through the night. Thank you and Amen.

Georgia-Florida Golf Classic

Totally dropped the ball on this as I meant to post it earlier. Robbie Burns passed this along on the Facebook page, so I wanted to put it here as well for anyone heading down early next week.
GEORGIA-FLORIDA GOLF CLASSIC on Jekyll Island Former ‪#‎UGA‬ defensive end Matt Storm is one of 16 celebrity players at The Georgia-Florida Golf Classic on ‪#‎JekyllIsland‬ October 29-31. Register at www.jekyllisland.com/ga-fl-weekend/
Make it happen! Sounds like a great way to start the weekend. Go Dawgs!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Talking Dawgs during the Bye Week

Following up Blutarsky and Tyler wasn't an easy task, but someone had to do it. Many thanks to Marc and Fletcher for the invite to join them on their podcast as well as Groo of dawgsonline. If you don't follow their work, you should. It was fun to take a few moments to look back on the season thus far as well as ahead as what we might can expect. And I'll forgive Fletcher for trying to get me to look past Florida.  :)

Thanks again guys! Go Dawgs!

Dogbytes Online
Dawgsonline.com
DawgSportsRadio

Team, then Gurley.

The more you read, the more you like. Take this nugget from Emerson for instance:
The reason Gurley didn't practice the day he was suspended was because Richt gave him the choice, and Gurley worried he would be a distraction.
"He wanted the coaches to at least for one practice to do whatever we needed to do to get the other guys ready to go," Richt said. "But the next week he was ready to be there. I think it was good medicine for him."
Personally, I'm well past the "he was being selfish" comments. Well past. After reading that quote from Richt it's clear that Gurley puts his team first.

There is no running back controversy

Nick Chubb sounds like a guy that wouldn't mind a bit if he got the chance to pass the torch.
"Everyone was happy with what we did without Todd,” Chubb said, “but if he comes back it’s even better.”

Hating Florida is our most important hobby, episode three

Looks like the rest of their games are cancelled.

h/t Mac

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

NCAA to #freeGurley

Papers faxed. Now we wait. Hope Sallee is right.


Gurley, Chubb, and my own selfishness

I want Gurley to play against Florida. But am I alone in feeling that the reason I want to see Gurley play in Jacksonville has considerable less desperation to it after Chubb's dominant performances on the road? Reading over Cory's breakdown last night of how the offensive line performed in Little Rock doesn't put me at peace with the whole memorabilia mess, but it sure helps me breathe easier rewatching the highlights of Chubb running free and seeing the still frames of some of those holes Boss and Co. made in the Razorback defensive front.

I want Gurley to play against Florida. But it's now for mostly selfish reasons and less desperate reasons.

Humpday Hilarity - five stages of gator grief

Courtesy of DawgByte