Friday, June 19, 2009

Where There's Smoke, There Ain't Always a Flame

Anybody who tells you otherwise is either blowing selling something, or is my neighbor. More to follow.

This week's Roundtable helped put to rest rampant speculation that Coach Richt is in any way whining, scared of the St. John's River or jealous of Corch Meyer's OOC skedYule (if you're new here, that's out of conference schedule...try to keep up).

So it was all a smokescreen. Let's surmise:
  • CMR - mental giant
  • KiffyBaby - grown man, yet drools and wears diapers
  • The Visor - loses more than Regis Philbin would on Jeopardy, and wears Depends

So inspired, I tried to produce my own smokescreen this week. Had a mound of leaves, a match and a can of fuel. WHOOOOPFFFT!! Leaves go bye-bye. Flame entinguishes within seconds, smoke lingers for a little longer.

An hour later the lawn was mowed and I was pushing the mower back into the garage. Lo and behold! a fire engine from Station 27 pulled up. Turns out the new neighbor is a rat. Luckily Joe the Fireman was nice, albeit a little miffed that someone had wasted his time by picking up the phone instead of walking next door.

Bernie gets a warning paired with a knowing grin. Joe went back to his lunch at the firehouse.

So - courtesy of the Gwinnett County Fire Department, Smokey the Bear and a lady who dare not darken my doorstep in need of a cup of's your Safety Tip: When rolling your neighbor's house, use at least two-ply. That cheap stuff doesn't have the weight needed for trees over 7-8 feet tall. You might just tear a rotator cuff.

Thank you. I'm here all week. Try the veal.

Friday Feedbag

** Ever wonder who the hell writes this (crap)? Here ya go...the rebuttal is forthcoming; my blawggeristic integrity requires me to fact check everything. You know, unlike other greasier, pantsless varieties.
** For something totally unrelated, here's Hale's interview with Chris Burnette. The one from Troup Co.
** Damon's phat checkbook just gets phatter.
** Itch!...MUST scratch!! We're under 80 days 'til Stillwater folks. I certainly hope you've already caught these countdown/preview posts, but if not: Pete Fiutak at CollegeFootballNews gives us a taste of Okie State; Streit reminds us how many yards passing Joe Cox had at G-Day; Mackie puts some chicken on the menu (although don't be surprised that a visit to Rome didn't help the guy master Roman numerals); and BattleHymnNotes breaks the entire season down into two posts: the Grind and the Second Wind.
** Congrats to Tiger Woods on another US Open victory...uh oh!....sorry, that's an ingredient still in the fridge for Monday's Meatloaf. Pardon me!
** Exhile's back in the friendly confines of his cornfield after increasing his HdL to astronomical levels during his whirlwind tour of the home state.
** Our brave Senator took on some toothless grins, chicken salad eaters and vacated victory Sabanites this week in a debate on the wonder that is Layla's husband. Probably the one point almost all could agree on is that one day Laney will only be known as just that, Layla's husband.
** Earlier this week, I weighed in on the recruitment of Jeff Luc of Port St. Lucie, FL.TotalUGA reports that a GA prospect has narrowed his list to three. Click here to see who Alec Ogletree names (sub required).
** After years of denial and epic episodes of screaming at rivals to bark like a dawg!!...Dr. Robinson has diagnosed me as fanatical. Luckily, I own no poster of Newberg. So I'm not ORD.
** Without getting too political, I consider THIS proof that Canada's socialist healthcare system is an abject failure.
** And don't forget the Bulldogs Father and Kids Experience tomorrow at the practice fields. A great way to celebrate Fathers' Day with the kids. According to reader Meg, you Metro ATL dads can also stop by selected Chick-Fil-A's with kids in tow for a free milkshake.

Been a good week. Met Mackie over some greasy onion rings; turns out he might blog pantsless, but he drinks a frosted orange fully clothed. Thank the Good Lord!

And Ainsley converted one of her former classmates to the Dawg Pound. Julianne may have once enjoyed a good rendition of the blue tick'd hound RockyTop. But now she tells her dad to bark like a Dawg!! Way to go Ainsley!! Tell Mommy I said you're good for an extra popsicle at lunch today.

And looking back on my venture with the wrong side of the law this week, I see it as further proof that my life and college football are in perfect sync. How do I figure? Glad you asked. September the axis will be righted and our blood-thirsty gridiron souls will be satiated.

That's also when I'm next allowed to strike a match outside the safety of my own doors. I figure by then, the leaves, twigs and brush will be piled so high and the fever-pitched desire to drench them in highly combustible fuel will be so great...WHOOOOPFFFT!!

As the mushroom cloud reaches the heavens, I'll be the smoke-stained white boy at Ground Zero singing an eclectic mix of the Trampps' BURN BABY BURN and selected tracks from Def Leppard's Pyromania. That mutha may even burn the remnants of the toilet paper from my neighbor's trees.

Everybody now: Gunter glieben glauchen globen.....DISCO INFERNO!!

Enjoy your weekend Reader. I'm off to stand in line at BestBuy. They're selling some new rotary phone today that's supposed to be all the rage. Make sure and tip your waitresses and don't forget the collect call to dad Sunday afternoon.

Poor bastard.


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