Thursday, July 23, 2009

Willard Meets Gainseville's Gawd

Hello Reeder. Willard here, live from Hoover. While the boss gets the little lady on her plane to the spa and the kiddies to their grandparents, I've been told to provide something a little more better than yesterday.

Afterall, Bernie's not paying me $4 a day to eat smoked pig. So here's some tasty bites from Thursday's podium action.

Mike Slive
Mr. Sleeve, can you comment on the fact that Corch Meyer cheets as much as Bill Clinton playing Twister at Hef's house?
Who the hell are you? You smell like High Life and vinegar.
Willard...from Bernie's Dawg Blawg.
Tell Bernie his one credential has been revoked.

Mark Richt
Coach! How many yards will Knowshon run for this year?
Who the heck are you? You smell like Dreamland dumped it's trash on you....and vinegar.
Willard...from Bernie's Dawg Blawg.
Oh, the guy from the Meet and Greet. Tell him his blog is awesome. Inaccurate and full of slander, but awesome.
Cool! I will. And tell Stafford that keg stand was inspirational.
Buddy...Knowshon and Stafford are pros now.
You got that right coach!! GATA!!

Nick Saban
(urp!) Mr. Saban...can you tell me where the hospitality room is? I'm lost.
Remember the restraining order kid...
Yes sir.

Corch Meyer
(gulp!....BURP!!!) Slurban! Heard you're moving to Indiana.
Who the hell are you? You smell like my freshmen players' dormitory.
Willard...from Bernie's Dawg Blawg. He says you suck harder than this city.
I don't have time to read the know, between all the bail bonding. quick question: how does it feel to finally have two balls?

the Virgin Circumciser
(BELCH!...gulp!....urp!) Timoffee...need a tissue?
I'm sorry sir. Did I step on you?
No! You sissy. I heard you cryin' after your trip to tha po...tha podee...uh, the microphone. Thought your pansy ass might need a Kleenex.
If you don't mind me asking, who are you? You smell like my defensive secondary on a Sunday morning as I step over them on the way to church.
My name's WILLARD dammit! Can't anybody read a dern creden...credennn...nametag thingie? You need a square of TP or not?
Yes sir. Thank you. (sniff, sniff)
Geez...making me late fuuuuurrrrr happy hour. (knocks kneeling, praying "QB" to floor as he passes) That's from Rennie, beeatch!

Whew! That's good stuff. Sorry if my spellchecker didn't work. All these lil', I keep dropping Bernie's bidness compoo...compuu...fancy typewriter.

Well, better go get in line for the buffet. If anyone sees the big guy, tell him Western Union has no record of the transfer. And they don't sell Natty Ice suitcases either.

1 comment:

MikeInValdosta said...

Hey, Willard, don't take any crap from Bernie, tell him you gots options