Friday, August 21, 2009

We're All Gettin Green With Hammies

Up in Knutsville, AD Mike Hamilton and staff are busy directing traffic…away from campus. “There’s nothing to see here. Move along!”

Yesterday, news broke that the Hillbillys were appealing the NCAAs decision on the eligibility of star recruit and pimp’d out RB extraordinaire, Bryce Brown. If you recall, KiffyBaby outbid all other potential suitors for Brown’s ability to bring speed, toughness and black clouds to the voWels backfield.

Shortly after Brown showed up for camp, the NCAA unsheathed its probe and began sticking it around into the nooks and crannies of Brown’s semi-professional career. In fact, we’re still awaiting word from Brian Butler’s loved ones as to when his copious posterior will recover.

Back on Rocky Flop

“There’s nobody on campus,” said Brad Bertani, UT Assoc Director of Compliance. “There never has been anybody on campus regarding this issue.”

Ahem…Mr. Bertani…your tackle football coach’s stud recruit is up to his ear holes in this issue. It still appears KiffyBaby’s hands are clean (the notable exception being the mostly dried grape jelly between thumb and forefinger). But it seems that Bertani could be reminded that Laney’s the one that opened the door.

Friday Feedbag
  • Yesterday’s Practice Notes. Grab your green jersey and hold onto your hammy.
  • In an apparent attempt to piss off yet another entire fanbase entirely, Mackie takes the sting outta a pic.
  • Dawg Stephen sees no holes, just depth.
  • TeamSpeedKills is two parts into a three part series on the hires in the SEC off-season. Dan Mullen, ok. Gene Chizik, hmmph. AD Hamilton, look out…something tells me these guys are digging around your campus as we speak.
  • The Senator thought this post by Hale was “depressingly excellent”. I concur. But as cranky as I am about this piece on Coach Willie, I still say (and Hale agrees to be fair) the Dawgs D rises to the challenge.
  • The cowpokes might have silver six shooters, but we’ve got Rennie. Bring on that weak ass, Puny XII, second rate, 40 year old, windmill loving, orange-clad buncha bowlegged bastards. GATA!!
  • Yes…I’m almost ready for college football season to start.
  • Speaking of starting, we’re inside of 17 days, which means Stuff of Legend celebrated with an all world decleater
  • I’m all for using the mandated furlough days among the football staff by employing some strategery. But I hope Coach Tereshinski provides each coach with some footage of that floriDuh debacle last season. Bonus if it has a shot of my face as I left AllTel.
  • I thought THIS was cool. Congrats to the Warner Robins Little League Softball Team. Long pony-tails…BIG bats!!
  • Fan Friendly bullet for the feedbag comes from none other than my better half…and Da Mighty Fred – it’s just more proof that Spurrier really, REALLY needs a QB. And for the record, trumpeters eat woodwinds for breakfast.
  • The new Hoops schedule is out. The Chapel Bell grabs the rebound.
  • I was in the men’s section of a department store yesterday when I was sure I heard a deep sigh of relief from every pair of underwear on the shelf. It didn’t make sense until I got home and found out the news.
  • Picture Day is tomorrow. Y’all dress pretty now ya hear?
I appreciate all the support during my internets crisis. The time away from instant information and gratification helped me realize I’m not half the dad I claim to be. At least not without the services of Google. Actually sweetheart, the wombat is a marsupial which means it freeloads shelter off its mom until it gets kicked out.

Luckily Charter Cable allowed me the opportunity to tell AT&T to shove their bandwidth up their craphole sideways!! That and they didn’t laugh at me when I told them I was a blogger with an actual reader.

Last night I used my new internets to once again air ThursdaysRTrivial in primetime. And once again we had another photo finish. In order of appearance: @BPMackie @ClintThomason @namaman and @BlakeMcCray all knew that Ben Jones was once named to the Tuscaloosa News West Alabama All-Stars.

For his first place finish the pantsless guy gets a well used AT&T DSL modem that’s only been thrown against the wall four times. My runner up tweeps get an actual tripleXL green jersey with genuine pit stains.

Good or not, have a weekend Reader. You've earned it.



Umatter2Charter said...

Hey Bernie,

Just wanted to tell you I had a blast reading your blog, and am excited that we were able to help you out. If you need help with anything in the future, feel free to reach us at or through Twitter.

Have a Great Weekend!

Eric Ketzer
Social Media Communications Manager
Charter Communications

Bernie said...

Thanks for the read, the comment and the bandwidth. I look forward to using your cables for hours and hours of quality YouTube entertainment. : )