Friday, February 13, 2009

Lane Kiffin Finds Four More Pointing Back at Him

...well, just three for now.

Tennessee has self-reported another secondary NCAA violation. And you thought the weekend would manage to play out without Mike Hamilton having to speak to his golden toddler, again.

The Times Free Press is reporting that KiffyBaby mentioned recruit Bryce Brown by name on a radio show interview Friday morning. Mike Slive's newest speed dial addition called Brown "a great player."

Brown is arguably the nation's highest rated recruit and has yet to sign a national letter of intent. In fact, the Wichita, Kansas native has yet to narrow his choices down to playing in college. The former Miami commit has a half dozen colleges still after his services. But the RB has not ruled out turning pro in the CFL.

We began the week wondering just how much of a dumbass Lil' Kiff was. To his credit he is doing the best he can to answer the question for us.

Stay tuned reader. This is the tip of the iceberg. Bernie's finger is on the pulse. It's reading that there's more to follow...

Train Wrecks and Rope Belts...a match made in heaven

I've never actually seen a train wreck as it happened. I guess I've seen pictures of one after the fact; a mixture of tragedy and chaos. 

But the one that is happening north of us in Nutsville is really, REALLY hard to take your eyes away from for more than 12 hours. KiffyBaby is writing checks his offensive personnel will not be able to cash.

I keep getting this mental picture of a schoolyard where four big kids are playing and one little brat with a mouth the size of his Diddy's resume is darting around to give each kid more than his fair share of annoyance.

At the time I get the image, the schoolyard is well supervised. The teachers let the brat know when he's crossed the line too far, but it does little to shut the trap. And yet the bigger kids' resolve (albeit tested) grows steadfastly.

Eventually school will let out. The rules will change. And so will the score. Hillbilllys beware: enjoy your coach's mouth while it's not swollen and bloodied.

Friday's Feedbag
  • As I clocked into ESPNnews last night I was thrilled to see that there was some NCAAF news coming, right after it cycled through MLB and NASCAR. But I was surprised when the news was that CMR had defended his staff's in-state recruiting practices against KiffyBaby's mindless regurgitation about Marlon Brown's grandmother.
  • Is that really news? I had listened to the audio earlier in the day and had read the AJC article covering it. What it amounted to was basically a no comment from a coach taking the high road. Garner went a little more in depth, but it was basically the representatives of an esteemed program not stooping down to the level of the latest circus in town.
  • The Mutha of all networks seems a little too enamored with the cotton candy coming out of Philmer's replacement.
  • I'll give ya another warning: if you're not clicking over to Jeff Owens' blog daily, you're just an idiot. Get it together, the off-season's no time to get lazy. He's mixing in some great Q&A's with some mindblowing editorials. It all adds up to a vivid look into the life of the student-athletes we spend so much time barking for.
  • For some video of 95 talkin' it up, here's Hale's work up.
  • You could really sum up the headlines the last few weeks with two words: drugs and Kiffin.
  • I'm going to have something a little more in depth on steroids later, but I just can't shake this bewilderment.
  • I applaud the possibility of "reinstating" Hammerin' Hank as the HR King. It has been a rare moment of admiration I've had for Bud Selig. But...
  • Selig and MLB baseball turn their heads while players stacked and as they come clean there are overtures of possible consequences. MLB cheers heartily and reaps the reward of beefed up regular season HR derbies, then gives a tisk tisk when players get caught in a corner with an empty syringe. Hmmm...
  • RidgeDawg over at provided this link earlier this week. It's a great read on Herschel by Joe Posnanski. It's a doosie though, so make sure and carve out a good sized lunch break for it.
  • I have to admit I may need to lift my personal strike against reality TV shows and watch Celebrity Apprentice when 34 goes into Trump's board room next month.
  • Felton is leaving behind some success. As Chip Towers reports, the former coach made remarkable strides towards cleaning up the team's act in the classroom. Unfortunately, passing grades and classroom attendance didn't translate into Ws on the hardwood. But at least the players we have now are earning their grades.
  • Speaking of roundball, as the team fights with each other and turnovers take the place of points and assists, undoubtedly the new coach will have an uphill climb. Going o-fer with a bunch of bruised eyes and egos will not make this job appealing to some candidates not named Desperate, excuse me...Knight. 
  • These kids need to get it together. As WesterDawg wrote, Hermann and the rest of the staff deserve better as they face personal and professional changes for themselves and their families.
  • And what's up with Joaquin Phoenix? Caught a glimpse of him on Letterman. To borrow my wife's favorite quote from The Gladiator, "How do you like me now Meth-head?"
  • Lastly, for you gentleman readers who have yet to make the plans for tomorrow's smoochie fest, Mackalicious has the hook up...or at least some advice for what NOT to matter how tempting an $80 stuffed and tatt'd up bear might be.
Discussion topic for the weekend, what do you think is worse: Bratastic calling out the brass of the SEC and refusing to take heed or hillbillys thinking he's the best thing since mason jars? Seriously, I hope the distance between lil' Kiff's office and AD Hamilton's (whose name I didn't even know until a few weeks ago...what does that tell you?) isn't far. 

Cuz that carpet is getting worn out.

The King's Quote of the Week:
The Set Up - Chuck and Chernoff were deep in a discussion on steroids and why MLB chooses not to police it and why we don't have a test for HGH yet....

The Quote - "Why can't we test for HGH? I paused live television yesterday. I watched you cook something crispy in the microwave."

As always, it's good to be the King. Have a great weekend reader. BTW - I tried #10 off my Wednesday list. It took less than two minutes and I am happy to orange!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sanford Saturday Withdrawals...and other ways to survive the off-season

The season is a month and a half into the books.

National Signing Day came and went.

So...what do we do now...??

Over 200 days until toe meets leather in Stillwater. That is much too long to twiddle ones thumbs and probably not long enough to complete the wife's to-do or else list.

Bernie feels ya. Below you'll find a carefully constructed guide for surviving the off season. (trademark pending)

  1. Re-introduce yourself to your wife and/or other significant others. Assuming they are still around, take a moment to convey your appreciation that they understand their place in your priority pecking order.
  2. With Mat Drills well under way, why not take the opportunity to make Coach Van Halanger proud of you as well. Join your local gym. Or kick it old school and follow Herschel's body sculpting 2 trillion sit-ups and push-ups a day. (Results will vary.)
  3. Give the Diamond Dawgs a swing. They went deep at Omaha last season, but came up just shy of the warning track. So they are looking for a return trip this June. And what better way to spend a spring afternoon than listening to the clank! of aluminum?
  4. Speaking of sports other than football, spring has to be considered Dawg time in the NCAA. With Yoculan's GymDogs making another run at a NCAA title and Diaz's netters doing the same, there are few programs in the nation as successful as Georgia.
  5. If professional sports are more your style, then start a weekly chat to discuss the latest MLB players who have been outted as cream users. Or chart the NBA players who have the largest collection of tatts. Bonus points for cross-referencing the two.
  6. G-Day game. It is set for April 11th. Great opportunity to catch a first hand look at the competition at RB, DB and to be Joe Cox's backup. Any DE who is healthy is likely to get plenty of playing time and Coach Searels will be trying on his new hat. As a bonus, if you are a Bulldog in Exhile you can watch the game on the mutha.
  7. Start working on the menus for the upcoming season's tailgates. Westerdawg has his predictions for the '09 TV schedule if you want to prognosticate as to which games will be more heavy hors d'ourves and which will be more sit down and get greasy!
  8. Read a book. Maybe two. Might I suggest Herschel Walker's Breaking Free or anything by Lewis Grizzard. That way you still get small doses of Georgia football without the risks of gluttonous over-indulgence.
  9. Spend an afternoon going through the closets in your house to make sure that no garment, umbrella or other incidental colored orange didn't slip by you while you were playing cornhole, drinking bourbon and barking like a Dawg.
  10. Speaking of orange, spend an hour or two a day on the HillBilly message boards disguised as an overall'd toothless wonder supporting the new head squealer. IMO - the longer KiffyBaby sticks around the better.
  11. And speaking of could provide your assistance to the basketball coaching search. Start a petition around campus to demand that Bobby Knight be interviewed...oh wait...someone's ahead of you there. Maybe you could start one for Ron Jirsa.
  12. Follow hockey. It's fast, physical and fighting is part of the game. Sure, it can be hard to follow at first. But if you can coordinate a ten hour tailgate before a night game you can spare a few brain cells towards understanding the art of fore-checking. And if the play of the Atlanta Thrashers doesn't inspire you, check out the Gwinnett Gladiators.
  13. Take up a new hobby. Something like mountain climbing or scuba diving would be refreshing. Sofa surfing while collecting cheese doodle dust on your t-shirt would be easier to master. Pace yourself and always use caution.
  14. Do daily drive-bys (the casual kind, of course) of Sanford Stadium to tide you over until the chickens visit in September. Remember when Greene and Co. made Saban look like an average Chan Gailey? Remember when the Cowboys came to town back in '05 with their much ballyhooed offense and the Dawgs but the beat down on them and the horse they rode in on? Good times... Just make sure not to interfere with authorized traffic.
  15. And if all else fails, invest in a PlayStation and use the off-season to beat the living snot out of Tebow at least once a day. Yeh! How's that timeout feel Slurban?
Hope you find this helpful reader. If any of them work for you, please let me know.

I'm bored to tears.


Monday, February 9, 2009

Miami to NOT Name Martinez Defensive Coordinator

Hurricane Willie Never Threatened

When Miami defensive coordinator Bill Young left Coral Gables on January 20th to return to his alma mater, a Miami Herald reporter stirred up the Athens and Atlanta area blogosphere by saying Georgia DC Willie Martinez would be on the Randy Shannnon short list.

And while fingers were lines were, silent.

Even as Shannon hinted that he would be inclined to run the defense himself should he not find a viable candidate, Dawg fans who were filled with ire towards the embattled Georgia DC were volunteering to pack Martinez's bags. Seemingly oblivious to the truth before their eyes, they continued to spew forth stats as if it
was a foregone conclusion that CMR would look away as his good friend was lured away.

Shannon never even baited the hook.

According to sources (you know, the ones with actual relevant information), Miami is set to hire UNC's John Lovett as its new defensive coordinator. Shannon gets to maintain one personality, CMR keeps his staff intact and Hurricane Willie never produced more than a gentle rain shower. 

Lastly, it's interesting to me that Barry Jackson of the Miami Herald, the one who broke the Willie to UM story wide open (ahem!) wasn't the one to report on the John Lovett discussion.

Monday's Meatloaf - From Hawaii to the Peachtree Tavern

With Monday morning comes alarm clocks, a commute to work and bleary eyes. It also brings...meatloaf. 

Dig in. But clean your own dishes.

  • I guess with yesterday's Pro Bowl, football officially came to an end for this season. As sad as that is, I couldn't tell you who won the game...
  • Stacy Searels' reward for his loyalty was made public. Searels' promotion - he is now running game coordinator for the Dawgs. And it sounds like he and Bobo are really working well together.
  • KiffyBaby not only sobered up enough to apologize to Urban (an apology that was as comforting as a visit to the proctologist), but also to apologize to a Pahokee HS football coach for basically accusing the town of not knowing how to use a fax machine and being a bunch of bassackwards gator lovers.
  • What's it called when you prove your own point? Kiffykins continues to
  • Hopefully you did your homework that was assigned on Friday and read Jeff Owens blog. His post on What it Means has been making Dawg hearts beat a little faster all weekend. I usually reserve this honor for players who have finished their play 'tween the hedges...but Jeff Owens = DamnGoodDawg.
  • I'm glad to see that the headlines for Bobby Knight's next gig have changed zip codes. While they were here it was kinda like the fender bender on the side of the road. Nothing really to see, but we stretch our necks to take a gander anyway. Tuscaloosa may be the only campus big enough to contain the egos of both Knight and Saban.
  • And if those headlines come back towards Athens, remember that that doesn't guarantee it is news. It's news if someone within Butts-Mehre is talking about it, not some 120 year old writer for the AJC. It's news if Evans requests to speak with Knight, not if some kid gets 200 signatures suggesting Evans speak with the General.
  • In terms of the real coaching search, Westerdawg has a look at some puzzle pieces that would be in our favor if they fell into place.
  • A-Roid proves he is a fraud. I'm stops intriguing me when another name surfaces in the steroid debate despite MLBs very strong stance against performance enhancing drugs (tongue meet cheek). If the league does not test for it and therefore did not police it...well, something about making your own bed comes to mind.
  • The bigger fraud is MLB.
  • And speaking of drugs, Jamal "Dirty Bird" Anderson took the moniker to a new level in Buckhead this weekend.
  • Now, I've never put anything in my nose that my doctor didn't suggest to me (and even then I was hesitant). And growing up, when Nancy Reagan advised me to "Just Say No!" - I followed suit. But I'm pretty sure that if temptation proved too strong to snort a white powder I had paid good money for...I wouldn't do it off of a toilet tank lid.
  • I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'.
And with that, let's flush this edition. Check back later this week for some tips to surviving the off-season. Until then, whether it's the cream or the clear...please use responsibly.