Saturday, August 22, 2009

Still a Committee, But With a CEO...??

It appears just as he has run away with my poll to the left, Richard Samuel is running away with the starting tailback's job. CMR labels the sophomore a "solid #1".
"He's playing with a lot of energy," said Coach Richt. "Some of these practices, by the end of the practice he's still blazing a trail pretty good. When the other guys fatigue, he looks even faster."
According to Hale, Thomas hasn't been forgotten. The shifty back has had a strong fall camp with two good scrimmages. But Samuel has earned a level of trust among the coaches.

Perhaps Samuel's best praise came from someone with the best vantage point to evaluate, Curran.
"I remember tackling him one time and I got a headache," said the junior LB. "He's the type of back that can beat a defense down over time."
It appears the climb for King is steep when he returns to the practice field. Samuel has drawn his share of criticism for his upright style and we've all grown tired of his pesky case of fumblitis. But once the coaches' trust is earned, we as fans have no choice but to relent.

Serve us well Samuel.

In other news, Ben Jones' injury appears to not be too severe afterall. Richt expects him ready by September 5th. Which just so happens to be the opener.

A Kinder, Gentler Corch

When Slurban took over the floriDuh program he did more than bring winning back...he gave plebes full access.

On Friday Corch Meyer addressed the State of the Reptile when he arrived and how he no longer required freshman to be the lower class citizens that Zooker maintained as status quo. According to Tebow's Biggest Fan freshmen were not just shaven and treated as undeserving, they were not allowed in the regular locker room and often misplaced their eyebrows.

Reached for comment, the Illinois coach stood by his no hazing policy and said he hasn't beat the crap outta any frat boys since he left the sunshine state.

Friday, August 21, 2009

We're All Gettin Green With Hammies

Up in Knutsville, AD Mike Hamilton and staff are busy directing traffic…away from campus. “There’s nothing to see here. Move along!”

Yesterday, news broke that the Hillbillys were appealing the NCAAs decision on the eligibility of star recruit and pimp’d out RB extraordinaire, Bryce Brown. If you recall, KiffyBaby outbid all other potential suitors for Brown’s ability to bring speed, toughness and black clouds to the voWels backfield.

Shortly after Brown showed up for camp, the NCAA unsheathed its probe and began sticking it around into the nooks and crannies of Brown’s semi-professional career. In fact, we’re still awaiting word from Brian Butler’s loved ones as to when his copious posterior will recover.

Back on Rocky Flop

“There’s nobody on campus,” said Brad Bertani, UT Assoc Director of Compliance. “There never has been anybody on campus regarding this issue.”

Ahem…Mr. Bertani…your tackle football coach’s stud recruit is up to his ear holes in this issue. It still appears KiffyBaby’s hands are clean (the notable exception being the mostly dried grape jelly between thumb and forefinger). But it seems that Bertani could be reminded that Laney’s the one that opened the door.

Friday Feedbag
  • Yesterday’s Practice Notes. Grab your green jersey and hold onto your hammy.
  • In an apparent attempt to piss off yet another entire fanbase entirely, Mackie takes the sting outta a pic.
  • Dawg Stephen sees no holes, just depth.
  • TeamSpeedKills is two parts into a three part series on the hires in the SEC off-season. Dan Mullen, ok. Gene Chizik, hmmph. AD Hamilton, look out…something tells me these guys are digging around your campus as we speak.
  • The Senator thought this post by Hale was “depressingly excellent”. I concur. But as cranky as I am about this piece on Coach Willie, I still say (and Hale agrees to be fair) the Dawgs D rises to the challenge.
  • The cowpokes might have silver six shooters, but we’ve got Rennie. Bring on that weak ass, Puny XII, second rate, 40 year old, windmill loving, orange-clad buncha bowlegged bastards. GATA!!
  • Yes…I’m almost ready for college football season to start.
  • Speaking of starting, we’re inside of 17 days, which means Stuff of Legend celebrated with an all world decleater
  • I’m all for using the mandated furlough days among the football staff by employing some strategery. But I hope Coach Tereshinski provides each coach with some footage of that floriDuh debacle last season. Bonus if it has a shot of my face as I left AllTel.
  • I thought THIS was cool. Congrats to the Warner Robins Little League Softball Team. Long pony-tails…BIG bats!!
  • Fan Friendly bullet for the feedbag comes from none other than my better half…and Da Mighty Fred – it’s just more proof that Spurrier really, REALLY needs a QB. And for the record, trumpeters eat woodwinds for breakfast.
  • The new Hoops schedule is out. The Chapel Bell grabs the rebound.
  • I was in the men’s section of a department store yesterday when I was sure I heard a deep sigh of relief from every pair of underwear on the shelf. It didn’t make sense until I got home and found out the news.
  • Picture Day is tomorrow. Y’all dress pretty now ya hear?
I appreciate all the support during my internets crisis. The time away from instant information and gratification helped me realize I’m not half the dad I claim to be. At least not without the services of Google. Actually sweetheart, the wombat is a marsupial which means it freeloads shelter off its mom until it gets kicked out.

Luckily Charter Cable allowed me the opportunity to tell AT&T to shove their bandwidth up their craphole sideways!! That and they didn’t laugh at me when I told them I was a blogger with an actual reader.

Last night I used my new internets to once again air ThursdaysRTrivial in primetime. And once again we had another photo finish. In order of appearance: @BPMackie @ClintThomason @namaman and @BlakeMcCray all knew that Ben Jones was once named to the Tuscaloosa News West Alabama All-Stars.

For his first place finish the pantsless guy gets a well used AT&T DSL modem that’s only been thrown against the wall four times. My runner up tweeps get an actual tripleXL green jersey with genuine pit stains.

Good or not, have a weekend Reader. You've earned it.


Thursday, August 20, 2009

One Post, Two Sides of the Magic!

Mr. Jones and Me

First the offensive side of the ball where the big news from yesterday's practice was the injury to Ben Jones. Jones - a sophomore who started 9 games at center last season, walked off the field on crutches. Luckily x-rays were negative, but Jones was diagnosed with a high ankle sprain. So he is officially listed as day to day.

Should the sprain linger into early September, Chris Davis could slide over from left guard to fill in at center. It's a position he's comfortable with from all of last year's shuffling. Another option would evidently be Chris Burnette, who has been working with the #2 unit according to Hale.

I know I've gone on record as saying this Burnette kid could avoid a redshirt. But I'm sure the thought of putting a true freshman over the ball..on the the season one Searels shudders at.

Martinez Not Backing Down...from Lilly??

According to THIS piece by the AJCs Jeff Schultz, Coach Willie is not backing down and is ready to coach on offense. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but he basically says Coach Lilly has it easy.

All kidding aside, Schultz does outline CWMs assessments of the three worst defensive embarassments in '09. If you want the short of it...poor tackling...bad weather...offensive turnovers...poor tackling...UGH!

In better news, Weiszer features Battle's performance through camp as potential good news for the upcoming campaign. AND Abry Jones may have practiced himself into the tackle rotation.

More Rocky Flops

What has been filed under an eventuality has now come to fruition: the NCAA is investigating the recruitment of Bryce Brown (h/t Senator). In more shocking news, Bear Bryant once signed a 320 lb behemoth to a swimming scholly.

Yet I digress.

Unless there is a surprise, the HillBillys don't stand to lose any scholarships, visits or contacts. But they could lose the eligibility of the recruit their witless leader couldn't help but call by name before ink met paper.

Of course, all this was common knowledge back in late February and March. Yet as I was scrolling through the Doc Saturday post, this caught my attention:

“I think it’s a gigantic distraction. I think it’s very unfortunate, “ Kiffin said in announcing the investigation after Tuesday’s practice.

First of all…unfortunate is a gigantic word for KiffyBaby. He’s to be gradulated. (Rep. Brown, please keep your go gator seat).

But secondly…really? He said that?

Coach Kifster – when you lay in bed with Paris Hilton, it may be nice to soak up the limelight. But you run at least an increased chance of catching something venereal.

Enjoy the doctor's visit.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Erin Andrews Gets Dirty

Wasn't it GQ that had that Jennifer Aniston feature recently? Nice article.

How long ago was it Erin Andrews was being accosted by both hidden camera and paparazzi? College Football's Sideline Sweetheart is now being featured in a really dirty photo shoot for Gentleman's Quarterly.

Obviously the shoot took place before the peephole hullabaloo. And obviously it's been on the calendar for an August release. But I bet the lady with the mic would love nothing more than to stay outta the limelight right up to Labor Day weekend.

Well, evidently the editor for GQ is not a gayturd.

So much for that quiet August.

Timing wise, this is most inopportune for ESPNs darling. But football sells. Especially in August. And I bet Ms. Andrews' pictures sell pretty well too. So the magazine is striking while the tabloids are hot.

But to be honest I can't stand GQ and hope the entire circulation ends up on North Avenue where those engineers could use the September edition as door stops...or stacked together as booster seats...or as research materials for the Sci-Fi Club, who's quest it is to discover what life is like on Planet Earth.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesday Headers

Gonna try this from atop a cell tower. Kids...please don't try this at home kids.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Monday's Meatloaf - unplugged and undercooked

AT&T has decided to feature me in a new reality series, Blogging Like a Mississippian. For no other apparent reason the communications conglomerate decided to turn off the Bernie Family DSL this weekend.
At the height of an impassioned speech Saturday morning to Marcus in (quote) Customer Care (un-quote), I finally broke down and told him that I have a reader who relies upon my blogging skillz. He asked if I was The Senator and I told him no. At which point he laughed heartily and told me I was SOL.
So I’m hunkered down with my iPhone and determined to make lemonade outta what life’s been throwing at me. All that to say…today’s meatloaf is very undercooked. So mix these up, heat in a cold oven and accept my sincerest apologies.

Today’s Ingredients
I guess you can count on some light posting the next couple days while I shop for internet service. After all, when your little girl looks up at you and asks you what turtles eat and you meet her with a quizzical stare…only Google at nothing less than 1 MbPS will do. Later, after continually stalling the kid she finally just said - Daddy, when will the internet be back up?
Cheer up kid. At least your momma and I aren't raising you in Mississippi.
I have to go resume my battle with Customer Swear. If certain ultimatums aren't met I'll at least enjoy the chance to tell someone to shove it!! early on a Monday morning.
And with any luck, next week's meatloaf will once again be fully cook'd. Maybe with the extra time this morning you could click some ads. With the extra coin I may actually win this reality series and escape the grasps of what life is like in Starkville.
I once spent a month in Starkville one weekend (bahDumDUM!). Have a Monday Reader.