Saturday, October 31, 2009

Coaching "Assignments"

To clear up any confusion...Mark Richt is still our coach.

Look...obviously, I'm a blogger. I dally in the rumor mongering, mostly for humorous purposes. I mean, when Lame Kitten accuses SC prospects of wanting to pump gas the remainder of their adult's just too rich to ignore.

But Charlie Strong to be UGAs head tackle football coach next season..? ($$) Are you frickin' kiddin' me?

File this away with other newsworthy click catchers like CarrotTop to be Named Next Director of Homeland Security, Regis Philbin to Coach the NY Knicks...or Bobby Petrino Leaves Atlanta to Call the Hawgs.

Oh, wait a minute...

But you get what I'm typing. The bold print is eye-catching for more than a glance, but all in all it's as hollow as the gourd I carved last night.

Sure, Strong should already be a head coach. The reasons he isn't a head coach are a subject for another blog post. But Coach Richt is our man.

I mean why would we replace CMR with the guy he's about to beat in this afternoon's game?

Don't get me wrong...I'm appreciative of all the money the dillweeds in Bristol are throwing our way in the new SEC agreement. But it would also be nice if they'd show some journalistic integrity. Or at least the motive to publish content that is truly newsworthy, and not just a speculative pissing contest.

This kind of $&!@ is only worthy of places like the dawgvent...or worse, Bradley's column at the AllJackCrap.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Who's That Comin'...week nine

Give me your tired, your weak, your frustrated, your ridiculously idiotic masses...Huddle up close Reader. I stepped outside last night to make sure...and I didn't even need a telescope.

The stars are aligning...

Studio Analysis

They're the #1 team in the country. Don't give a damn. They've got the best defense we've seen. It's a game for men, not sissies. Their QB might cry when he loses. As irrelevant as the fact that I belch when I drink PBR. Their coach treats TOs as if they were pink skittles. (Makes motion with fingers indicating a welcoming attitude toward the idea of fisticuffs). Their special teams are special. Ours are just gonna have to be specialer.

To research for this, I grabbed an old football, went out into the yard and sat down. From my ass I was able to hit a fairly mature oak 14 of 20 times. BUT...sometimes it was on target near the limbs. Sometimes it was low, closer to the roots. Once or twice it only hit the trunk on the bounce.

My conclusion...even a super man will have trouble passing the pigskin from his back sides. In my head I imagine Houston, Curran or Atkins knocking the snot out of Tebow. Truth is, I don't care who it is.

We're a team that can easily beat itself. They're a team that has been winning despite itself. That vegas line is inflated because of the last twenty years...and because the ladies of Bristol have driven it there. I hope your finger nails have grown back Reader, cuz this game will be close.

The facts are that Ol' Willie matches up well against Slurban's vileness. When we tackle at the point of attack, we win. Reader...WE WILL TACKLE. A couple other facts: Bobo has yet to call a complete game. But he's had a bye week to prepare and get to know all the new weapons at his disposal.

Charles, Wooten, Brown, Thomas...all will play a role in helping to expose chinks in the reptilian armor.

I've even had a thought that we might see Murray for the first time, but truthfully the idea makes me more than a little uncomfortable. Regardless...I do feel that this game is won on Joe Cox's arm. Ivan Maisel may not believe AJ is Biletnikoff worthy...but you and I know, don't we? He's the greatest weapon in America. He looks at opposing secondarys and grins...knowingly.

Tomorrow Reader, we will know a lot more about our team program. I know I'm a big ol' Homer, but I'm quite sure we're going to see a team resolute in the idea of winning. They won't do it for Herschel Walker. They won't do it for me or you. They won't even do it cuz it makes their mommas clap their hands furiously while jumping up and down.

They'll do it cuz they're hungrier. And it's time....time to let the big Dawg eat!

Trivial Update

Q - A special cocktail edition for the 18th episode. It was the greatest play in GA/fla history and the most recognizable play in Dawg football history. When Lindsay turned upfield, those LBs stood ZERO chance of catching him. But who was the safety that tried so hard, but could only put his hands on his thighs in anguish as Munson came thru his chair?
A - Sonny Gilliam, #43

There was no High Definition back in 1980, so this one proved to be tough. Not to mention record keeping for mulletized reptiles back during the Carter Administration was more than scant. But @alanashley battled through and eventually found just the right grainy video to couple with an 1980 roster and tweeted in. For his effort, Alan takes home a lovely broken metal chair (the one with the 5 inch cushion) and a 64oz cocktail mug from The Landing.

And kudos to @shainam who was a close second and should enjoy a very used Georgia pom-pom that was found at the bottom of the scrum, along with Lindsay Scott's mouthpiece.

Tailgate Predictions

  • The Hokies make the nerds look a little less stout. Losing to powder blue unis, in front of the home?? Egads!
  • AwwBarn continues it's graceful impression of a phoenix, rising from the ashes...albeit in slo-mo rewind.
  • If it walks like a duck...and quacks like a duck...then it must be USCs annual inexplicable loss.
  • Vandy's defense does its job against the helluva engineers, but the offense gets no where with those training wheels. (tryna reverse a trend without going there...if ya get me)
  • OSUs cowgirls use only eligible players to lose mightily to Texas.
  • In the inaugural Shell Service Station Bowl, the ol' ball coach pumps up his attendants and leaves KiffyBaby holding the squeegee.
  • Dawgs 20 douches 14
  • Lastly, I make some passive aggressive trick or treater hand back the Snickers bar after a snide comment about my Uga statue. You kids get off my lawn!!

Here's the funniest post I've read all week. Hamp really knows how to prepare us for the reptilian rants we hear in and around Jacksonville at the WLOCP. You know, things like...Your mascot is a dog...or...Don't tug on SuperMan's cape.

You may not feel as if you need any help surviving such a sharp and devilishly twisted verbal attack...but it's always good to be prepared. A sample - Go buy some scratch-offs. Rent on your single-wide is due.

Classic! Be safe Reader. Unless your name is Prez Adams. If so, then you get your freak on sir. Keep drinking that cabernet sauvignon until you find yourself dancing with a hot tranny mess at The Landing late Saturday night.

Talk about a fright night!


Thursday, October 29, 2009

St. Simons - a home away from Jacksonville

I've mentioned that I'm not cocktailing in Jax this season. Talked to Nama last night and we mourned over the loss of the feeling of packing on Wednesday and heading out Thursday for St. Simons.

So to hopefully satiate these grief stricken feelings, here's a list of the things I'll miss the most about St. Simons this year.

· an order of fried dill pickles at Gnats on Friday night.

· The common call of the Dawgs wherever you go and wherever you turn.

· a visit to Loco's on the way in.

· golf

· some cornhole while breathing in the ocean air.

· heading in over the bridge.

· The absolute absence of jorts and the color orange.

· The friendly folk.

· the feeling heading out Saturday morning. We've done the bus charter before and that has its advantages. But sometimes someone loses a significant bet the night before and has to be the DD. That's even nicer.

· a PBR (or two or six) at Gnats while we watch the late game Saturday night.

St. Simons is a peaceful place that makes the victories sweeter and the losses easier to stomach. If you live there I understand why. If you're visiting this weekend, have a great time...but also respect the island.

I look forward to my next visit.

David Greene Wants to Shake Your Hand

If you're wondering around Jacksonville Saturday before the game, thought

I'd pass along this info for you to help pass some time before the Dawgs end the gators' magical run.

This Saturday October 31, Nissan will be hosting the Sports Illustrated Heisman Trophy Tour at the Georgia vs Florida game in Jacksonville.

We'll be setting up a huge tent with lots of

activities for fans – all FREE - including:
· Opportunity to meet UGA quarterback with the most wins in NCAA Division I history, David Greene and former Heisman winner and 1996 National Championship UF quarterback Danny Wuerffel
· Check out the original "four-door sports car" - the 290-horsepower 2010 Maxima!
· Photo on the cover of a personal Sports Illustrated with the Heisman Trophy
· Compete in one-on-one Heisman trivia challenges
· Vote on favorite Heisman moment at Sports Illustrated Heisman Bracket Challenge
· Check out features of every Heisman winner, facts and figures about the Heisman award and vintage photos and odd facts up around the tent.
· Get a free copy of Sports Illustrated collector’s edition custom publication which celebrates 75 years of the Heisman Memorial Trophy.
The tent opens at 10am and we'll be hosting activities at the Championship Dreams Festival outside of Jacksonville Municipal Stadium’s South End Zone, up until the 3:30pm game.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Locker Notes - floriDuh

Some more last minute costume ideas: LindsayScottLindsayScottLINDSAYSCOTT!!!, an unabated to the Tebow, some destroyed property from St. Simons, and Uncle Verne doing the stanky leg. Just keep in mind that this one's taken. Leave it to Mackie to come up with this year's scariest costume.'s time for some Hate Week locker notes.
  • Coach Bobo - Remember, your headset will be on the sideline.
  • Joe Cox - When we win this game Saturday it will be because of your leadership. But it will in no way be your swan song.
  • Rennie Curran - St. Timothy said you're short and your breath stinks.
  • Caleb King - Last year in Jax you missed a block that led many fans (including yours truly) to doubt you. You've already made a statement that showed us the error in our logic.This is the game you put an exclamation point at the end.
  • Jeff Owens - Tebow said knock him out.
  • Orson Charles - I'll rename my oldest daughter Orson if you knock the (bleep!) outta Spikes.
  • Rantavious Wooten - Make one half of that stadium wonder why that ganja lovin' Harvin was such an abject failure. And the other half holler Woot!!
And to close this out, let's all join together in song:

With your bright orange shirts
and your sissy blue britches
You can go to Hell you sonsabitches!
Gators,'d ya like to bite my ass?

Now, you know what to do Reader...finish the drill.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Can These gators GO?

Sure, Rep. Brown gradulated them and assured us they could go!....but that was way back in March when some established playmakers' shadows were still on campus.

Now...different team. Different story.

My confidence in winning in Jax this year goes beyond AJs God-given talent. Florida's offense isn't anemic, but it's at least sickly by Corch's standards.

Back in the spring, Hale posed a question to Jeremy Fowler of the Orlando-Sentinel in his ongoing series Two-a-Days. The idea was to take a look at the other SEC teams in their spring preparations. The question I found the most interesting in the Florida piece pertained to replacing the NFL bound Percy Harvin. As you remember, by then Tim Tebow had long been anointed as teh awesomest. But Harvin's prowess at eating yards and creating TDs was evident well before the BCS Championship.

Harvin was a special hybrid offensive position all on his own. Part receiver part tailback, he was a player defenses had to acknowledge and account for every down.

Here's a recap of that portion of the Q&A:

Tim Tebow is obviously the engine behind the Florida offense, but having watched the National Championship game, it was clear how much of an impact Percy Harvin had. From what you've seen this spring, who might step up and take over some of the key playmaking duties Harvin handled so well the past few years?
That's probably a four-man race between running backs Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey - two world class sprinters but both under 5'9" - wide receiver Deonte Thompson and incoming freshman playmaker Andre Debose, who was recruited with Harvin in mind. He's a five star talent but is still an enigma. Expect Demps to play the running back/receiver role of Harvin more after catching 14 passes to accompany 605 rushing yards in 2008.

Fast forward to this season and Tim Tebow, not surprisingly, IS the Florida Gator offense. The jorted QB has always been the engine, at least since his sophomore year. But there have always been other components to provide alternative gears. Tebow has more than twice the number of carries (121) than the next reptilian rusher (Demps with 58).

Here's a breakdown of the offensive production coming outta the swamp this season:

Att Yds Avg TDs Rec Yds Avg TDs
Jeff Demps 58 457 7.9 5 4 24 6.0 0
Chris Rainey 53 368 6.9 3 1 14 14.0 0
Emmanuel Moody 32 269 8.4 0 3 29 9.7 0
Mike Gillislee 17 88 5.2 1 1 6 6.0 1
Brandon James 15 80 5.3 0 7 93 13.3 1
Aaron Hernandez 1 16 16.0 0 33 392 11.9 2
Deonte Thompson 1 -2 -2.0 0 6 146 24.3 3
Riley Cooper 1 14 14.0 0 27 396 14.7 3

Now let's throw in King Jort's rushing stats from this season:

Att Yds Avg TDs
Tim Tebow 121 466 3.9 6

Tebow's current rushing stats average out to about 17 rushes per game. Last season he averaged 12.5 rushes per game at a 3.8 ypc clip. Not too big a difference...??

When you factor in that Harvin averaged 5 carries a game last season and nearly a first down for each carry, the offensive struggles the defending champs are facing this season become a little easier to understand. Throw in the departure of Louis Murphy and his 17.2 yards per catch and it's obvious that Meyer has struggled to replace those two playmakers.

Att Yds Avg TDs Rec Yds Avg TDs
Harvin '08 70 659 9.4 10 40 644 16.1 7
Murphy '08 2 7 3.5 0 38 655 17.2 7

The gator QB has grown increasingly frustrated at the lack of dominance, especially in the red zone. But Corch has certainly tried to reload his offense.

In fact, Meyer landed one of the nation's greatest playmakers on Signing day in February. Andre Debose was specifically recruited as Harvin 2.0. What seemed like a pulled hamstring slowed the freshman down in August, but later it was determined that the injury was more severe than first believed. Debose had season ending surgery back in September.

Brandon James remains a lethal threat on kick returns, but not a dominating presence within Meyer's offense. His numbers put him in Carlton Thomas territory. James and Tebow even got their wires crossed in the Arkansas game which led to a potentially devastating turnover. The short of it is that I'm at a loss as to why James doesn't factor more into Meyer's offense; except for the possible explanation that there are so many potential playmakers on the depth chart and James is obviously very valuable to the gator's special teams.

There is some evidence that a go-to guy in the gator running game is emerging however. Despite a quiet season so far, Chris Rainey had a larger role in the win over MSU Saturday, going for 90 yards on 12 carries and a TD. Sizewise, he's another Brandon James type back but his 7.o yards a carry is getting closer to what Meyer had with Harvin last year.

On plays in which Tebow drops back, Aaron Hernandez and Riley Cooper are clearly the go-to guys. Meanwhile, Deonte Thompson has yet to catch more than two passes in a game, but has obvious explosiveness that a secondary must pay attention to.

Let's compare Tebow's passing stats from this season and last:

Comp Att Yds Comp% Yds/Att TDs Int Rating
2008 192 298 2746 64.4 9.22 30 4 172.4
2009 84 132 1159 63.6 8.78 8 4 151.3

Per game, Tebow is passing 18.8 times so far this season...compared to 21.2 last season. The only other stat that I find significant is the INTs, which also explain the drop in rating.

But when you put all this together, it adds up to an offense that is easier to defend. Without Murphy to stretch the field, safeties can pay more attention to the backfield. And without Harvin to juke and jive his way to the first down marker, more gator rushers are getting taken down at the point of contact, closer to the line of scrimmage.

I've always felt that Willie's defense matches up well against Slurban's spread. But it takes superb tackling, reducing the yards after contact. The Dawgs are catching this gator offense at a time when they are desperately searching for answers. The key will be to deny Tebow and Co. any early confidence, force them to keep guessing.

Let the hated gators find those answers against Vandy next week. Better yet...November 21st against Florida International.

This Week's Mumme Poll

Click HERE to get this week's Mumme Poll. Just remember that the results may not be released as of the time of this post.

The water is increasingly muddier each week at the top, but I muddled through and this is what I came up with:

Top Five


The Next Seven

Southern Cal
Georgia Tech
Boise State
Penn State

It's becoming easier and easier to admit that there is greater parity in the NCAA. No one will ever convince me that the SEC isn't the best conference, but the two favored teams at the top increasingly need help from zebras to remain at the top. Texas moved up for me because the team ahead of them did their best to lose.

How does Bama not score a TD at home against Tennessee? I still believe Bama is the best team in the SEC, but like the defending champions have proven...they gots issues.

Not a lot to cover with my next seven. LSU put together a compete game; NATS overcame crappy weather to post a convincing road win (dammit!!) in Charlottesville; Southern Cal, Boise State...blah blah blah.

But TCU deserves any mention that they can garner at this point. BYU is no easy out and they dominated Provo. I would imagine Coach Bumpas' (TCU DC) agent is already starting to field some phone calls.

And Penn State moves in on the virtue of thier only loss continues to be to an undefeated team. Granted Iowa was on the ropes Saturday night they landed a miracle knock out blow at the final bell.

But this season especially...a win is a win.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday's Meatloaf - A Jilted Pair of Jorts

Yes...I said it. If you don't believe it, please schedule your Dawg heart transplant...STAT!

Bye weeks before the WLOCP mean extra preparation, for fans and for the team. So while some fans may be taking a little extra time for their Jax excursion, I'm sure the team is taking the starch outta the playbooks.

This team could use a wrinkle. Not necessarily a trick play. Just an offensive adjustment, something to add yards to the drives and move the chains.

Three and outs aren't gonna cut it against the mutha's team. Failing to cross midfield just won't work against the SECs darling. Getting the ball to AJ Green only a handful of times is to admit defeat.

AJs on pace for a standout season, career. This game doesn't hinge solely on his shoulders, but he's proven they're broad enough to carry more than his share. Greg Childs of Arkansas had 4 catches for 135 yards and a TD against this gator secondary. Childs is a good receiver...but he's no #8.

Want a clear front-runner for the Heisman? Read the papers next Sunday morning about how Coach Bobo unleashed Adriel Jeremiah Green on the vaunted reptilian defense. The stats will amaze you.

But it'll be the end result, the numbers on the scoreboard when the clock ticks dead that makes you smile.

Today's Ingredients
  • JJ sees Saturday's game against the go gator as a measuring stick.
  • Mike is excited about Florida Week, despite the fact that it'll be 11 vs 18 once the game kicks off.
  • Streit welcomes us to Hate Week.
  • Bulldawg Illustrated's Andrew Miller has 5 Bye Week Questions.
  • Hale promises to be back from furlough. He'll probably just spend today bragging about finishing a 5K Saturday...but it should be nice to see his words.
  • Steve Hummer provides some insight into a time when AJ told Slurban, thanks for stopping by. Capt. Mulkey would certainly be proud of what his protege has been up to.
  • Meanwhile Rex wonders if the mechanic is done fixing the wheels in time for the planets to align.
  • 3SIB thought Saban and Kiffy's first (actual) battle was ugly, but in a pretty way.
  • TeamSpeedKills' takes it's weekly look at Saturday Lessons.
  • The Senator looks back at Saturday's most excellent broadcasting.
  • Some Supper Club ShoutOuts....Erin for cleaning my kitchen (awesome!), Cord for cleaning Nama's plate and Miranda for shaking my hand on the prop bet just before Mount Cody lifted his cleats three inches off the turf to save Saban's sanity.
  • And lastly, my dear wife. We've been doing Supper Club for three years and she finally used the kitchen to its full potential. Even more awesome!
There's a lot of ways I could close this post. But none of the ways I considered are better than this...

...ahh, good times!

Now Reader...go treat this Monday as if you were Vincent Dooley and it were Charley Pell.


Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday's Fearless Thought

Next Sunday you will be smiling Reader. You'll be smiling because our Dawgs will be sitting at 5-3, not 4-4.

They'll do it by out hustling, out blocking, out tackling and out playing the FU gators. They'll even do it despite officiating that lacks doing what is inherent in its name.

Before you scoff at my prediction...I'm feeling it. I got the feeling. As I type, I should be making may way out to Vegas.

Exhibit A - my tweet on Saturday at 6:56. By 6:57 Mount Cody was catching his breath, helmet off drinking in what was a victory snatched from the jaws of defeat.

Small potatoes...sure. But Saturday afternoon the reptiles are in for a trick while Dawg fans will enjoy quite a treat. This is more than a gut feeling. I feel this victory in every ounce of my being. A victory at the WLOCP will not erase the memory of what happened October 10th, but it's more than a step in the right direction.

It's a giant leap. I'll outline the reasons for my confidence this week Reader. Join in when you can.

But the second order of business today is a word of caution. If you're the fan who'd rather see our Dawgs lose, please kindly kiss both my cheeks. If you're the fan that truly believes Timmy Teesus is the best player evah, you should no longer grace college football with your fellowship. If you're the fan who is so enamored with Corch Meyer you can no longer see straight, I hope your jorts are perpetually filled with itching powder. And if you're the fan who has lost hope in our players...

...shame on you. I no longer want your clicks.