Friday, June 18, 2010

Casual Friday - Willard Gets Schatty

Willard flew out to Bristol last week to sit down with ESPNs biggest schadenfraude, Joe. Unfortunately news quickly began to break that Texas had Dan Beebe’s danglies in a vice and Mr. Schad had to postpone while he tweeted worthless drivel and updated his profile at Match dot com. Meanwhile Willard, ever the resourceful journalist, settled into a Motel 6 with the BDB American Express. Four suitcases of Natty Light later, he met Schad by the motel’s pool, pushed the correct button on the digital recorder and let his brilliance belch at a time.


WillardJoseph Schat! I can count the number of Texas regents who have you on speed (URRRRRPP!!) dial on less than one finger. That local Longhorn reporter fella made you his lil feathered beeatch didn’t he?

Schad – I stand by my sources.

Willard – Yeh. People magazine called…they’d like em back. BWAHAHAHA!! You see what I did there Schat?

Schad – It’s SchaDuh. I’d appreciate some respect. My cubicle’s on the same floor as Herbstreit’s.

Willard – Sure thing kid. Tell Herbie Mitch Davis said Boo! (awkward pause in between gulps…) Nevermind Schat. That was before you were born. I read where you (BBBUUUURRRRRPP!!) …where you began your journalism career in high school.

Schad – Yes, I was the Sword of Truth’s chief editor my sophomore and junior year.

Willard – Why not your senior year? Get caught trading ink with the Op-Ed hottie? I hear she wore Jerusalem cruisers and didn’t shave her pits.

Schad – No. Alex Weinstein outscooped me on the cafeteria’s switch from chicken nuggets to tenders.

Willard – (spewing hops amid furious laughter) Wha?....Heh…Ho! So you’re just biding time up here in Sportsnerdville until they give you the lifetime achievement award.  Does Kuselias like his coffee with sugar?

Schad – Only on Mondays.

Willard –One last question for our readers Schat. Will Joe Cox start this Saturday?

Schad – This interview’s so over.

Willard – BWAHAHAHA! Can I quote you on that Schat? BWAHAHAHA!! (watches Bristol’s baby storm off…) Tell Kiper he’s a douche!


Another Willard interview cut short, another epic win. Tune in next time when we fly BDBs own Mike Wallace out to sunny Cali to reunite with his good buddy KiffyBaby. Until then, look out for empty cans.

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