Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Reptilian Courting Rituals, by Chris Rainey

Too bad Corch Meyers already said Rainey would return to play after sustaining a concussion against South Florida Saturday. Otherwise he could use that as an excuse for sending a thoughtful and romantic "Time to die" text to his girlfriend after she shut him out last night. He was arrested and charged with aggravated stalking.

Other possible excuses:
  • Thought he was sending it to Tennessee starting CB Art Evans
  • #ThumbsFail; was supposed to read: "Time to finish studying for that Single wide trailers and their 21st century ecosystem test."
  • Childhood idol is Heisman Trophy winner OJ Simpson.
  • Was sleep texting.
  • Was simply responding to hers which read: What time will it be when the Earth breaks free from its orbit and spins uncontrollably towards a black hole?

Add your own in the comments. I'd put the over/under on his suspension time starting at one half. (For you FU Gator alums...that's 30 minutes of football. And for you FU Gator doctoral students...that's about the time it takes your Hungry Man fried chicken dinner to heat up.)


Ollllddude said...

Spell check fail: he was intending to tell her the next step in making custom, hippie-style T-shirts.

AthensHomerDawg said...

On another note:"Judge dismisses 1 charge against Vol Rogers, orders community service on 2nd"
....at least he didn't try and sell a jersey!

Anonymous said...

yes- I see a 1/2 game suspension as well. Then he will suspend himself for the second half due to the outrage. It will sound something like this, "Damn man, everybody is pissed I'm only suspended for a half." Jeff Demps:"dude, you should suspend yourself then."
"What? Suspend myself?"
Yeah, man. Spikes invented that last year.