Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday's Meatloaf - From the thumbs of babes

I recently downloaded the NCAA Football game for my six year old's iTouch. She plays that game until the battery insists she take a break and do her chores...or maybe that's her mom. under pressure.
Anyway, she's pretty good. I tried the thing once and had no idea what I was doing or how to control Abry Jones at nose tackle. Losing 23-0 at halftime to the Ol' Ball Coach, I decided to retire my thumb back to twiddling its way through the off-season. Ainsley however, picked it up quickly. I recall asking her what the score was the first time she was playing it. She reluctantly said the Dawgs were losing 19-0. Later when I pressed her for the final score, she cheerily said "43-19...I won."

She's not one to lie. I took her at her word. But after the battery finished recharging (and her laundry was put away) I watched a little closer as she demolished LSU 56-10 and then stomped Penn State 32-7. 

You see, her secret is simple - punts are for the pansies on the other sideline. Don't get me wrong, she uses Drew Butler. But on her digitally imaged turf tween the hedges he's thrown for 324 yards on the season with 4 TDs. "Fake Punt Pass" is her favorite play. And according to her the "FL Fly Pass" is practically unstoppable.

Just yesterday I saw Orson Charles drop a perfect Butler pass on 4th and 8. He would've taken 87 yards to paydirt. No one was near him, despite the fact that this was the fourth time she'd run the fake in the game. Instead the Dawgs were backed up against their own endzone, seemingly about to relinquish the lead to Chizik's semi-pros.

"Sorry Honey," I said sympathetically.

"Don't worry Dad...I'll intercept him right here, watch!"

She did, the very next play. I'm not suggesting Richt and staff play hand held video games in between sit ins on recruits' sofas. But there's something to be said for making the opponent make a play to stop you. That and my girl's ready to help coordinate special teams. Just start recruiting that rare hybrid punter with a surprisingly accurate arm.

Today's Ingredients

  • Hoop Dawgs runs down the dominant performance by Fox's Dawgs in Oxford.
  • Landers' Lady Dawgs came back from a 16 point deficit to do the world a favor yesterday. BI was there for all the action.
  • Unfortunately, Utah was too much for Coach Clark's GymDogs Saturday night.
  • Ho-hum. Another year, another dominant UGA tennis team. Coach Diaz's netters have their eyes on the prize at the SEC Indoors.
  • Probably the biggest mystery of the 2010 football season is the play of the offensive line. Garbin breaks em down like only he can.
  • Mike is looking for any ray of sunshine, and found one just across the border.
  • Ben Fratlock takes a couple of recent tweets and tries to determine what it might mean to this year's recruiting class.
  • In yesterday's recruiting update, ecdawg discovers the Dawgs still very much in the thick of things on the recruiting trail.
  • Meanwhile Chad Simmons' brings us up to date ($$) on the Quintavious Harrow offer and when he might commit.
  • the Senator wonders why we're all so focused on the lack of a playoff, when there is much dirtier dealings from the NCAA to fret over.
  • Some Rivals writers discussed hot seats going into 2011. And while I understand Neuheisel's steamy rear end...this is the SEC baby! It don't get no hotter! 
  • I warned you last week, tickets went on sale last Monday for the Gwinnett Baseball Classic between the Diamond Dawgs and the Crimson Tide. So don't come crying to me when they're sold out and your ear is pining for that PING!
  • As my regular reader(s) know, I luvs me some self-deprecating humor. And in this post, Adam goes B1G!
  • Lastly, after the J-E-T-S-jets jets jets upset of the Pats yesterday...shouldn't the NY Post headline read We TOED you so!...??

Let's all join hands shall we...and give thanks for the opportunity to live in the 21st century. Yesterday was the perfect example of why it is SO much easier to be married in 2011. Started like any normal woke up a half hour too early...wife forgot to make my bloody insisted on being what I thought was a good parking spot at church, then walked past 10 better ones before getting to the Sanctuary...

But later, the lady left for a movie with a friend. I LOVE going to movies. Wife and I used to catch at least two a month in an actual theater before kids came and stole our money...and time. But one day before we were robbed she took me to see a movie called "The English Patient". Yeh, it was a long time ago. Almost as long as the actual movie. 

I was miserable. I spent the last three and a half hours of the movie listing the things I would rather be doing at the time. To give you an idea, number 10 was clean the gutters naked in a snowstorm. So I was not real upset when Heather offered to see some movie about a king with a speech impediment with the wife.

It frankly gave me time to feed the kids some BBQ and tater tots...all perfectly timed for halftime of the Jets/Pats game. Hey!...I'm no rookie.

But when she returned is when the 21st century really came of age. Something called the gold globes was starting so I quickly claimed the upstairs tv, the one with both wireless blu-ray and Netflix. Way back in 1997 when we were newlyweds all we had was a tv that had a VCR hooked up to cable. I woulda been stuck evaluating red carpet dresses and pretending to appreciate Hollywood polytheism.

Instead I had Ferris Bueller failing Econ and Patty scaring the beejeebus out of me. Seriously, Fatal Attraction's Alex Forrest has nothing on Patricia Hewes. Ever since I started watching Damages I keep waking up in a cold sweat with the psycho OCD lawyer standing over me clutching my remote control. And I have no interest in changing the channel. She's like a Netflix train wreck: so scary yet I can't stop watching.

I just hope if my wife and I ever get transported back to a life without multiple spontaneous entertainment options...she doesn't retain Hewes and Associates. I'd rather live through The English Patient again. As for you Reader, here's a fork. Just don't go and stick it in a boiled rabbit.


1 comment:

the wife said...

1st- 6yr old also likes the speed option play--says she gets 25+ yds.
2nd- I like all kinds of movies. I like to broaden my horizons when it comes to movie entertainment. I don't need to see "Princess Bride" 15 times.
3rd- It's called the GOLDEN Globes
4th- We've had separate DVR lists for might recall the phrase "Tivo saved our marriage"