But c'mon guys, and maybe to a lesser degree, gals. Don't fret over what these things are going to look like. When it was first announced I was kind of excited. Now I'm just downright sick of hearing about them.
Repeat after me: There will be NO points awarded for best dressed at the CFA Kickoff. That was good, but I didn't hear you there in the back. You were on your mobile device no doubt texting your old roommate down in Albany that you heard a guy at Java Joe's say his cousin's sister rooms with a girl who's dating that walkon that said the uniforms are purple with facemasks made of feathers. No...you! Yeh, please holster that smartphone and let's try this again...
There will be NO points awarded for best dressed at the CFA Kickoff!!
Good. Now ALL CAPS...THERE WILL BE NO POINTS AWARDED FOR BEST DRESSED AT THE CFA KICKOFF!!!!!
It's not the threads it's the men inside them that matter. All that time you're spending on message boreds and Twitter trying to speculate whether the helmet has a G or not is time you could be reading up on injuries...watching videos of drills...digesting soundbytes from coaches. If you're more worried about how the team will look on September 3rd than you are about Isaiah's groin, then you just need to head on down to Gayturdsville. They could use your fashion sense.
No! I'm not done dude. I said keep that iPhone in your pocket! Look...if it helps...gather in close...no closer, all of you. I'm gonna do you a solid. Shhh! Listen...
I've seen them. Yes, the whole thing. Hell...I've worn it. The red and glory of it all really showed off my abs. The britches weren't silver but the helmet and the cleats were prefect accents to my two best features. No! Now wait a minute. I can't show you the picture or Claude Felton will kill me. Just rest assured that everything is going to be fine, there's no orange and you can see everything for yourself on Saturday at Picture Day.
Now, let's get real up in here. There's a scrimmage tomorrow. While I'm poring over CMRs stats and reading about who participated and who didn't, I don't want to hear any mention of uniforms. You're embarrassing yourself and worst of all you're embarrassing me. Any talking, discussing or fretting over this from here on out will get you in jail with Coach T.
After that...you're exiled to sitting with the horsies on Sept 3rd. Dismissed.