Friday, October 14, 2011

Friday misery, chapter 5: 'dored to death

First off, my apologies if last Friday's rant was a bit too PG-13. Last night Mrs. Bernie and I were arguing was scolding me for being a hypocrite because I wouldn't let the kids watch a movie that was PG. All I have in defense is the facts that I warned you and I don't let my own kids on the innerwebs unless it's school related.

Speaking of school, students at Vanderbilt go to class. Each and every one. They grow up to be doctors of medicine and professors of academic crap. I went to UGA and once pretended to have a sprained index finger to get out of a written exam. Got a D in the class and now I have a blog.
Walk that plank bitches!

How ya like me now Music City?

Reader participation
Let's start off with something simple. I drop a clever nugget of awesomeness and you readers actually pick it up and adore it for once. How's that catch your fancy? Granted, it was pretty subtle. But come on! It's not like you're a bunch of degenerate HillBillys. If you are then your fair Senator Al Gore's corner of the cyberspace is down the hall behind a door labeled "In-breds who wear actual suits and pay their way into Vanderbilt University". As for the rest of you, in my Sunday thoughts I ended with a link. It was both a reference to winning the previous evening which makes Sunday morning so easy...AND...the Commodores!

You know, our next opponent. 

Jeebus people, if you're not going to take advantage of everything this crappy blog has to offer then I'm just gonna have to start charging you all admission or something to make it worth the effort. Not one of you picked up on it. At least no one that had the time to respond in the comments. I even threw something similar up on the Twittah and got only chirping crickets. By the bucket loads.

I mean look at you, sitting there with your laptop or mobile device...reading this and acting like you're all that and a bag of hyperbole. Too important to throw a blogger a bone. You might be three times a lady that's too hot ta trot, but you sure ain't no brick house.

Gauntlet, down. Your turn...

The wait
Not only are we destined to endure another WTF? moment in Nashville in front of literally, nearly 30,000 fans, but we have to wait all damn day again for it to happen. Who said I don't like noon kickoffs? Me?...Really?

Did NOT have
Bernie's back
Well, waiting ain't my forte. When I was four I got up right after Santa left and took a spin in my new mini-Jaguar and it's been downhill since. If we're going to be up by a miserable 3 points at halftime to the dandy vandies I'd just as soon get it the hell over with. You're pacing around wondering who can be this year's Daryl Gamble and who's robbing Walsh's apartment while he wins the thing for us at the last minute.

That's a lot of stress right before you go to bed. I'm no doctor, but stress is better served during daylight. I learned that in a psychology class once. Yep, I went to those to see what campus experiments the chicks were signing up for. Don't hate.

You WILL bark like a Dawg!!!
Long story short...Goff lost to Vanderbilt on homecoming in 1994 by a score of 43-30. I was semi-fresh out of school, which means I was hanging around Athens looking for the next keg and free solo cup. Late in December I found myself with a margarita in one hand and a beer in the other with some CommieDouche spoutin' off at the mouth. In other words, this would not end well.

I like Vandy but some of their fans sure can be pompous. I mean, here we were in Athens GA and this kid wants to act like his football team is the best thing since sharpened #2 pencils. I asked him what his SAT score was and he said it was too high for me to count. Yeh, he was a witty sumbitch. Though after two fisting drinks for a couple hours he was probably right. At the urging of Fred and Nama I then insisted he get down on all fours and bark like a Dawg. When he refused, I insisted he meet me at Stegeman that February and sit with me while we watched Hugh Durham's boys dismantle his precious round ball team.

Durham and the Hoop Dawgs came through. CommieDouche didn't. I think he was Al Gore's nephew. Maybe. But I learned another lesson, don't underestimate Vanderbilt. My apologies for sounding too confident yesterday. 

At any rate, that's enough for this week Reader. But before we leave, raise your hand if you've ever been crammed into a corner of Vanderbilt Stadium at Dudley Field while nearly a thousand Commodore fans enjoyed the vast expanse of aluminum luxury? See...they're sneaky smart like that. Don't close your eyes Dawgs.

Enjoy the game everybody. Things can only get more miserable as we head towards Jacksonville.


Matthew Smith said...

You WILL bark like a Dawg!  LOL, How is Smitty left out of this? J I remember this as clearly as the many beverages consumed that night will allow me.  My recollection is that Fred (bad cop), and I (good cop) took turns telling said vandy dude how crazy violent you were (Fred) while I pretended to hold you back from killing him and how you really weren’t all that bad (me) while Fred told you all the mean and nasty thinks vandy dude really wasn’t saying about you, UGA etc.  This went on for 30-40 minutes while Nama, using his ability to make friends with anyone, went in and out of the party vandy dude was at, sneaking multiple beers for each of us out in the stairs area.  Like I said, my mind may be foggy, but that is one of my favorite “memories” of the Commons…You WILL bark like a Dawg!  classic!

ScooBoo said...

This week is the 3rd (Night Shift) game for the Dawgs.  Then, after we (Sail On) past the Commodores, we get a bye week to help prep for Floriduh.  But (Still), with thugs being thugs, we better take our (Machine Gun) to Jacksonville.  Kinda like that?????........and what happened to the beer reviews???

Bernie said...

Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there about the dangers of beer. Leave the heavy liftin to Smitty and Bernie!

Bernie said...

A very slow, appreciative clap to you ScooBoo. Damn, didn't know I had a reader that could go platinum on my ass with his Commodore groove. Well done. Very well done indeed.

Beer reviews were kind of an off season filler. But maybe I can get one in during the bye week. "Take it from Me", drinking them is easy, writing about them...takes a little more effort.