Friday, November 4, 2011

Friday misery, chapter 8: coming home cupcake

Hard to be too miserable when you're still a little happy hungover from the cocktail party. But I'll give it a shot.

Schedule snaFU
Are you kidding me? Two top 10 games in the SEC tomorrow and we'll have to watch both at the same time. This must be what Penn Wagers feels like trying to master the college football rule book while chewing gum at the same time.

BMFP* takes the field against a semi-cockless Spurrier at 7:15 in what is not only a matchup between two top ranked teams but also the only time this season ESPN will find two guys within their camera frame with bigger egos than the network itself. Then at 8:00 we've got Lester and Darth Saban in the greatest game ever in the history of games involving tackling and synthetic consumers.

I spent a day and a half looking for my cable splitter so that we can all watch both games in one room. Of course, it would've only taken 5 minutes to find it had I remembered the first rule of the Bernie Household...ask Mrs. Bernie. Water. Under. Bridge. Do they make a holster for remote controls?

PIG...HOG...SoooooooooooooooooiiEEEEEEEEEE!! Or is it, Woo!...Pig!...SoooooooooooooooooiiEEEEEEEEEE!! Hell, I don't know. Just remember to bring my Pig Hat Heath. (pictures to follow)

Tailback U DID WHAT?!?
Boo Malcome - I once decided to speed through a section of Athens that included a police station. This of course meant that the road always had plenty of police officers beginning their patrol. Bad timing, I was obviously pulled over. Then I decided I would challenge the officer as to the accuracy of his radar. (And you probably thought I was as dumb now as I was then. Pffft!) Little did I know that this required me getting frisked and being placed in the back of his cruiser so he could give me the tuning fork demonstration. Did I mention this was adjacent to a busy intersection on the East side of Athens? Where I had grown up? And hundreds of people drove by...about 35% of which not only knew me but also my parents' phone number. That my friends is not bad timing, that's Boo Malcome timing. From getting to Taco Stand in time for beer and burritos/significant amount of carries in a UGA Homecoming central for East Athens/sledding with Coach T.

Isaiah Crowell - Or "Big Pred" as Nama likes to call him, a reference to Predator's dreads. I once decided to not skip a Spanish II class on a Friday afternoon, even though it was late March and the temperature was in the 70s finally. Turns out I was the only one to make this decision, other than the professor. The downside was that I had to spend the next 45 minutes in one on one espaƱol instruction instead of slugging beers overlooking Brumby Beach. The plus side was that I made an "A" on the test the following week. I hope Big Pred is studying.

Carlton Thomas - I haven't been that short since 4th grade, so it's hard to think that far back. But I guess you could lump him in with Boo. "Little Pred" as Nama likes to refer to him would've gone large in this game. Bad timing all around for #30. Those dive plays might have worked against NMSU.

Hope to see y'all in the Red Zone tomorrow! Then we'll go crown a King and Queen.

*Bobby Mother eFfin' Petrino is actually a phrase of pride in Fayetteville. My only Hog friend wore a BMFP shirt to Athens last season. The entire tailgate I thought it stood for Big Mother eFfin' Pig. Then he kindly explained it to me...about four hours before we got burnt by that wheel route. That was a BMFD.

1 comment:

Heath Willis said...

The shirt & the hat will be coming Saturday. Mark it.