Monday, March 19, 2012

Monday's Meatloaf - Go Greyhound...once

I've aired some dirty family laundry in the past. I guess I'll throw some more out today. When you're the red and black sheep of the family, it's what's expected right? As a kid I spent many hours watching the trees pass by my car window. Mainly along Highway 78 down to I-20, and then on Highway 278 outside of Augusta as we went to my maternal grandmother's house in the South Carolina low country. It was a time for some intense reflection on life during an era of such national headlines as Watergate, the Iran hostage crisis and whether cherry or raspberry was the best Jolly Rancher flavor. 

One trip however was put into crisis mode when the family car, a blue 2-door Opel (still the best car Dad ever purchased while wearing sideburns) was in the shop. For you young whippersnappers, this was before Enterprise and Avis car rentals. It was even before OJ Simpson hurdled and flew through airports. We couldn't forgo a delicious bowl of my grandmother's hambone soup, just over some timing belt being shipped in from wherever the hell Opel's were made. So we went Greyhound: a non-stop trip from downtown Athens to Augusta where my loving grandmother would pick us up in her fully functioning 1967 Chevelle. Seamless transition right?

Not exactly. What follows are the facts as best my aging brain can recall them. My mom, little brother and myself crammed into two seats on the bus and I took the window seat so I could count the usual pines and oaks. The bus itself wasn't full, but I was just old enough to pick up the subtle cues from Mom that there were undesirable influences nearby.

Think this, except circa 1979
As in the back, where the "smokers" were confined. When Mom wasn't looking I peaked in between the seats for a glimpse and saw roughly 15-18 disgruntled, tattoed and otherwise dirty malcontents crowded into the eight seats where smoking was permitted. Things went just fine until Jeff had to use the bathroom, as two year olds tend to do about every 30-45 minutes. This general rule especially holds true on a bus where the only "bathroom" is lodged in between a motorcycleless division of Hell's Angels chain smoking filterless Camels and the f-word is the cleanest one in the vocabulary.

What did I do? Offered to take him myself of course. There was a wealth of information back there and I was anxious to get my ears and eyes on it. This was a rare showing of love and appreciation for the little brat that was summarily and immediately dismissed by the only adult on the bus with a full set of teeth. The alternate plan was to have him drop trow right there and piss into a Tommy Tippee cup, standing right there between us in row 8 of a Greyhound bus somewhere southeast of Washington GA. Words could not describe my embarrassment and there were not enough pine trees to divert my attention.  I was horrified as the kid voiced his own surprise and amazement way too loudly. I could even feel the gaze of the bus driver in his oversized rearview mirror. Oh. The. Horror. 

And that is the worst story I've ever heard about a trip on a public bus...until Watts Dantzler boarded one last Thursday. Damn. At least I had trees to occupy my attention. Watts just had lil Meek and someone's grungy Adidas.

Today's Ingredients
Tennessee avoids a sweep by the Diamond Dawgs thanks to Williams. Everyone altogether now...Stella!!!!
- Here's Ching's baseball week in review.
- Hoop Dawgs looks at the recent schedule while reflecting on this year's tournament teams.
- Isner was not able to overcome Roger Federer yesterday but will still crack the world's top ten this week. Not to mention that he will take home $500K from Indian Wells.
- Lady Dawgs were bounced early in the NCAA Tourney yesterday.
- Weiszer outlines the top five questions entering spring drills.
Hunter Cole, round-tripper
- The writer Dawg fans "loved to hate"...Furman Bisher's passing is one of the many things ecdawg covers in today's Dawg Daily.
- Meanwhile Blutarsky finds a glaring omission in the AJC's obit.
- The next installment of Fletcher Page's Redshirt Diaries looks at Nathan Theus. ($$)
- CCRider's latest blend of politics and Georgia football includes step by step instructions for how to burn one's face.
- Over at College Football Zealots Kevin and his roundtable look at key position battles around the country entering the Spring.
- Lastly, cback tomorrow when David Ching of DawgNation sits down with us to talk about spring practice, which starts tomorrow!!

Took the youngest to Foley Saturday for an afternoon of HillBilly hate. She got to see Hunter Cole blast a pitch over the cedars into the parking lot. She ate a hotdog. And she witnessed a grown vol fan out-jockey a kid for a foul ball before promptly botching the catch. Typical stoopid fan in orange.

The highlight of her trip? Definitely hanging with Brian in the left field lounge and playing catch. She had taken her glove in hopes of catching a stray foul ball, but we evidently chose the wrong seats. Didn't matter much anyway once Uncle Salty gave her one he recovered from Friday night's game. Then they gave her instructions on proper throwing motions and catching technique. She soaked it in like a little sponge and has now added Olympic softball shortstop to her future résumé.

The highlight for me? Cole's homer...until I heard the words "Thanks for bringing me daddy, that was fun" from the backseat as we edged onto South Milledge after the game. She's a great kid. And I'll never let her ride a Greyhound. Which she can thank me for later.

Have a great Monday Reader. And if my mom and little brother are around, be careful before drinking out of a Tommy Tippee cup.


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