Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday's Meatloaf - more schlameel and less schlamazul

And they'll do it their way. Yes, their way...

One of the great mysteries in life I'm convinced will forever go unsolved. I don't know why I spend even a moment of my day trying to come to a logical conclusion. After all, it's been confounding the male species for decades. Personally I blame Mary Kay. But to be honest, Miss Clairol is just as likely a suspect.
Schlameel! Schlamazul! Hosenfeffer incorporated! 
Of course, I'm talking about what takes women so damn long in the bathroom once they get in front of that mirror...or in the shower...or with all 963 hair instruments. You have the standard curler, the rollers, the dryer, the sprays, the conditioners, the flat iron, not to mention a dozen or so hair brushes. I can count the times my family has been on time for church on one hand. For my own sake I hope the good Lord appreciates me bringing a handsome family into his house more than he frowns on our tardiness.

This has to be innate behavior. Some kind of switch in their little brain is flipped around the age of two and all we can do is wait downstairs while the tools are all laid out on the vanity and the magic commences. Before the door closes the bathroom is clean and clutter free. And it doesn't open again until it looks like a bomb went off on the Health and Beauty aisle of a grocery store. Cans and bottles are everywhere, drawers are half open, brushes are coming out of every nook and cranny...and there's a distinct smell of burnt hair.

Now mind you, don't complain about the end result. There's not a time when our little girls and our significant others are more beautiful. Somehow the curling iron and the flat iron set aside their creative differences long enough to get every hair on their heads in the right shape and in the correct place. The pencils and the brush applicators work together more closely than Laverne and Shirley. It's a finely tuned orchestra, each component in conjunction with the other to produce a somewhat detained, yet very fashionable woman.

No, don't blame the end result. Just be glad all the time didn't tick away and that she didn't ask you to tell her which shoes looked best.

Today's Ingredients
Livin' the dream!
The last day of April. When we were ushered into the month we were full of madness. Now we're just a few weeks away from freshmen reporting to Coach T's office. Maybe I shouldn't type it out loud but it seems like this off season is whizzing right by. Before we know it the Buffalo Bills will be in town to help usher in the new season.
All due respect Chan...please get off my field.

I mean, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself...but what's going to be more awkward, playing against Chan Gailey again, or Cordy Glenn? I know right? I didn't know Gailey was still coaching either. Even his Wiki page still has a picture of him losing while wearing a bee cap. I guess ALL that money Dave "Braine" paid him wasn't enough to retire the ol' 4th and long playbook.

At least he has enough smart people with tackle football knowledge around him to draft a Georgia guy. Excuse me..I'm getting a call...

Okay, so Darren informs me the seasons opener is against the Buffalo Bulls. Not the Buffalo Bills. So in that case we can't just assume we're getting a mediocre team with a crappy coach at the end of his crappy career. Better be ready. Let's start planning the tailgate! Here's the meatloaf Reader. Don't spill any on the silk robe.


Bernie said...

Haha! Yep...that describes this Lady to a 'T'. For the record, my hubby would agree about the not complaining part, too :)

Bernie said...

Keeping with the Chaz Reinhold theme, I picture Bernie mumbling to himself "I never know what they're doing in there" waiting for the woman and little women of the house to grace him with their presence.

Bernie said...

Nice to know I'm not the only one. Misery loves company. 

Bernie said...

Sometimes I have an idea, but yeh...I'd rather not know I think. "MA!!! MEATLOAF! NOW!!"