Friday, October 19, 2012

Friday Misery - defining KenSucky

Scene: Tuesday evening, after dinner conversation as the family jockeys for a position of not doing dishes.

8 year old: Dad, who does Georgia play this week?

Me: It's Kentucky week honey. And we're away.

8 year old: You mean KenSucky.

*fist bumps*
Bennett bloodline:
Dickie > Hal > Doyle > Coover

Don't take it personal wildcats. It's not that we think of you on the same level that we do gators, or wardamntiglesmen. You're a nice people. You cheat like hell at basketball while the rest of us concentrate on a sport that actually matters, but no one's perfect.

And unlike the state of Florida, we don't wish you'd secede from the union and all die an unmerciful death. No, we like your state. You have ponies that race and you give us all great bourbon. US Marshall Raylan Givens would just be a redneck Magnum PI without you all. I mean look at you, with your apple pie moonshine and your "hollers" and your pretty mouthed cousins. Fascinating!

No, we love Kentucky and everything y'all have to offer. It's just that your football sucks. And not like Tennessee in a downward trending hillbilly kind of way. You suck like, real an Adolph Rupp sold your soul to the devil for a Depression Era point guard kind of way. So just give us our win and we'll be moseying along the bourbon trail.

A sugar coated altercation
During the off week I had a chance to sit down with Coach Grantham at a local pastry shop he frequents and chat a little bit. What follows is a brief transcript of the conversation; everything that was said before the scuffle. Evidently he doesn't take too kindly when you gave him the choke sign in reference to his defense. Luckily we didn't ride scooters or Jimmy Williamson woulda surely thrown our asses in the pokey.

Grantham: Hey Bernie. Love the blog. How's it goin'?
Bernie: Pretty shitty. Especially since Columbia. Your defense is a pile of crap man. I'm embarrassed to have helped lobby for that raise.
Grantham: Whoa now son...
Bernie: Whoa nothing! That's how they're playing. Truth hurts, so don't get your panties twisted dude. Strap on an actual jock and start coaching like a man. Do that and maybe, just maybe you won't choke against the gators in Jac-----

All of the fisticuffs. Now I'm not only banned from Butts-Mehre but also all Dunkin Donuts within a 60 mile radius of Athens. But it was worth it though. Had to be said. And if nothing else, Todd's coconut cream filled pastry was smashed on the bottom of my shoe. That should help with the pass rush I think.

But y'all come on back here next week when we really waller around in some misery. WLOCP style!

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