Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Misery - soggy, but not soft

Once again, SSI beach goers - clean your shit up!

Next, will someone enlighten me as to the intricacies of becoming a successful Wiki editor? I've been trying for years to get this f---in page corrected to the game's right and proper title to no avail. Really starting to piss me the hell off.

Ok, that takes care of all the announcements on the agenda. Let's get down to business.

Hate for all forecasts
Now, have you hated the gators enough today? You can't answer yes, and you better not answer no. It's a rhetorical question. There is no end to our hate for them. It knows no depths deep enough and it cannot be condensed within any four walls.

We don't hate the gators because it's fun. It's not a recreational activity or a hobby we pick up when we're bored. It's not something we do just one day a year, or for a season as the leaves change. No, it's a function of our inner being. A necessary component of our existence. It's a role we're born into, something as natural as wearing jeans that haven't seen scissors.

via SouthernSass
I know during the normal hate week we just go through the motions and that is enough to get us through. When Ole Miss comes to town next week it'll be Hotty Toddy Goshamighty look at all your GED's and all that. Whenever we play Tennessee a few HillBilly cracks and some in-breeding jokes usually suffice. 

But Florida is different. This is The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party son! You don't just skate through it or else Shawn Williams will call your ass out,. And that ain't gonna be pretty. You can't just go through the motions hoping for the best. That's not remotely close to being good enough.

Look here, lemme break it down a little more. If you are standing under your tent with a soggy, rain soaked cocktail complaining about a few rain drops, you ain't ready for this. Go on back to your hotel, cover yourself in your GamGam's afghan, curl up on the sofa and have some chicken noodle soup while you watch Saturday's Lifetime movie marathon. If you're worried about getting embarrassed by OMG ITS THE BEST TEAM IN THE NATION AND WE'RE GON' DIE!!!, then just sit this one out hotshot cuz we don't need your weak ass shit tomorrow. 

Me...Lord knows I ain't made of sugar. I'm not going to melt in a little bit of rain. I couldn't care less what the hell floriDuh is ranked and it doesn't matter to me what the 21 year record is. It's the WLOCP damnit. Go hard or go home.

Of Germans, Pearl Harbor and a sack of turds

It's hasn't been a great month. We looked like a manic-depressive team well removed from its last dose of lithium against Tennessee. We looked like plain ol' shit in Columbia. Against Kentucky...well, thank God Connor Norman's parents passed 7th grade health. Ugh.

I get it. The last few weeks haven't been pretty, despite the overall record. It's been like sitting on the front pew after you spent all Saturday night sinning - ultimately satisfying, but so very uncomfortable. 

Everyone thinks the gators are this great and fantastic team. They're world beaters and they're gonna do double to us what they did to their old coach. I get it, it's not all vanilla ice cream over warm peach cobbler in here anymore is it? But....

What?!? Over? Did you say "over"?

Was it over on 3rd and 12 on the eight yard line? No, Hudson threw a block, Belue threw a pass and Lindsey ran! Was it over when we were up 37-0 in 1982? No, we still had one more touchdown in us! And was it over when they had us down 17-0 last year? No! Because Will PieceofShit Muschamp doesn't win in Jacksonville. It's an undeniable fact. He couldn't win as a player. He hasn't won as a coach. Hell, years from now when they induct him into the Georgia-Florida Hall of Fame for being the absolute worst participant/coach/casual observer in the history of the rivalry he'll drop the damn trophy on his toe as a waiter runs by with the entrees. Just like seasons 1991-1994 while he was in our secondary.

Dumbass. "Stare" all you want. Your Georgia pants still had more shit stains on them than the jerseys had grass stains.

No Dawg fans, this is OUR game. It was taken from us. We grabbed a hold of it last year. Now it's time to wrench it from their tiny little stubby arms and claim it back as our own.  There is only one objective tomorrow. Knock the shit out of somebody. So clench your fists. It's time to get after it.

Go Dawgs!


Chad Tomlinson said...

Quite possibly the greatest blog post I've ever read.

Kersh said...

This. Is. Awesome.

Bernie said...

Thanks for reading! Go Dawgs!

Bernie said...

You must be drunk! lol Go Dawgs!