Friday, November 23, 2012

Friday Misery - Birthday at Little Bighorn

It’s hate week, so…has Reuben Houston sold Joe Hamilton any weed today?

Of North Ave. and vomit
Yesterday on twitter I got a little nostalgic. The year was 1995. My first UGA diploma was still somewhat fresh in hand only two years old and the Dawgs were invading “historic” Grant Field on Thanksgiving Day one last time. Ray Goff was nearing his end and had helped the team endure some key injuries. Tech was still acting like a friggin' 12 year old over their shared national title five years prior…OMG that was the best team ever and those mutts were delivering our pizza while we celebrated from our dad’s basement!!!1

Turkey carcass, or tech secondary?
We watched as senior kicker Kanon Parkman set up to kick a winning field goal, just as he’d done four years earlier as a freshman, My God!. The snap was good and the hold was true. But the kick was about the ugliest thing you could imagine. I swear it never lifted higher than Coach Goff’s signature ball cap, maybe even lower than his horn rimmed glasses. It wobbled a lot more than it spun. Its magnificence was only confined by its aim, which was true. Kanon’s leg was dead on. It knuckled its way to Glory! I jumped victoriously and sent a heartfelt thanks towards the Heavens...

...then sprinted my happy ass to the truck, jumped in and hustled my way towards some Thanksgiving leftovers. Shortly after escaping Atlanta’s city limits however my stomach began to rumble. The wings I’d had the night before were making their own comeback. I pulled over and left a roadside offering of the food poisoning variety. And by the time I had driven the 300+ miles I was hardly in the mood for turkey and dressing.

But still…I drifted off smiling. Dawgs 18 nerds 17. Holy shit it sucks to be an engiNerd.

This year’s candles
I was born to despise Tech.  Legend has it that on the day I was born Tech sucked even more than on the day before. So it has become my obligation, one of my greatest pleasures in life to hate the wrambled wreck. Every year since that historic day when I took my first breath, looked the doctor in the eye and said “Jasper’s knee will be down goddamnit!”…I have celebrated my birthday in part by blowing out candles towards Georgia Tech’s ineptness, their inability to tackle, their cute little offense, and their eternal virginity.

Custer was Chantastic!
It’s not a task I enter into lightly. When family and friends watch the smoke clear and ask, “Bernie, what’d you wish for?” I simply reply, “Same as every year.” And then later that day, or later in the week, as the time drains from the clock I can simply point to the scoreboard and smile.

Most years that is. There is the occasional Georgia Tech win, that may or may not be vacated. There is the occasional year when our Dawgs are not up to the challenge of my birthday cake’s adornment. They waste a lead and therefore waste my breath. Consequently, my wish is lost like a Jim Donnan gameplan. Or it’s stolen by Al Ford and thrown in the dirt. JASPER WAS DOWN GODDAMNMIT!!!

Despite those hiccups…those fleeting moments of epic nerdom…this series is about as one sided as Custer at Little Bighorn. The candles on the cake put up more of a fight than the teams Tech sends onto the football field. And that's why wishes can come true when your birthday is around the same time as mine. 

Dawgs on top. Wear black. See you in Athens!