Monday, February 11, 2013

Monday's Meatloaf - Et tu, Herschel?

Is Herschel Walker actually from New Bern, North Carolina?

Bernie, you know all I drink is
water. And awesome sauce.
Get the picture now. You walk into the brand new restaurant and are immediately greeted by a near life-size picture of one of the greatest idols of your lifetime. You get the girl with the Dawg tattoo to snap a picture of you standing next to "him". Your heart beats even faster as the waitress seats the party. The walls are filled with memories that they seemingly plucked right from your cerebral cortex: Herschel in the ballcap sitting on the bench next to Kevin Butler, the Heisman, Bill Bates flat on his back...they're all there. Plus there's a casual, easy feel to the place. You knew even as you crossed the threshold that this is a place where everyone is happy and content.

You sit down and quickly grasp the menu. You've already texted the wife for the sole purpose of bragging that you're here and she's not. That's an anger bridge you can cross later because you've long wondered what great flavors and great food will grace this menu that you now clutch in your own two hands!!! Just like the football he carried, it ain't heavy, and it's filled with savory and unique pub food. It's like a walk through his life: from his mama's chicken to "The Bobsled" to a grilled cheese that pays tribute to the one and only Larry Munson.

My joy is slowly being overtaken by anxiety however as I'm not sure what to order. And there's not enough money in my wallet to get everything. What am I going to do?!? And then the waitress asks, "Can I get you something to drink while you look over the menu?"

Oh that is a fantastic idea. Ordering something to drink is simple and buys Brad and I some more time to weigh our options against what little room is in our stomachs. Someone at the table asks for a coke as I'm deciding between a simple iced tea or something from the beer menu. But wait...what was that the waitress said? Did she say the words..."Is Pepsi okay?" silence....frowny faces....dropped jaws....dreams killed...

Today's Ingredients
- Of all my enemies, Gator tears are the best tears. (h/t Senator)
- Tyler goes deep into the numbers of Grantham's defense. Part one, and part two.
- Earlier this morning I look at the QB depth going forward. Here ecdawg looks more closely at Faton Bauta.
- Meanwhile at the running back position, Lady Sportswriter looks at what AJ Turman could bring to the backfield.
- Coach Fox's team won their fifth in a row with a hard faught win over TAMU Saturday.
- One of the amazing things about the win over the Aggies was that KCP only had ten points. But last week Daugman looked at just how productive the Georgia star has been.
- Lugnut Dawg is happy for the hoops streak, but wonders how much of it is a reflection of the competition.
- Kyle King also has some thoughts on the hoops team and what could lie ahead.
- Lastly, hope to have a guest on the blog later this week to answer some post-NSD questions for us. And I'm also rounding up the old tailgate crew to do the same before spring practice starts.

I mean, pepsi don't mix into any hard liquor right and it's been linked to such illnesses as diabetes, hang nails, sore throats, gout and all manner of venereal diseases. It's a syrupy mess that's only function is to attract flies, ants and other annoying pests that pass it off as something called "pop". It was born in New Bern, North Carolina but it now hails from some city in New York covered under so much snow that I forget what the actual name is. Maybe it's Karo, NY. Because that's what pepsi tastes like - Karo syrup poured over ice....or not, if you really wanna fly your freak flag.

An artist's early rendering of
a bottle of Pepsi.
I once survived a trip to New Bern NC. The family and I stopped there for the night thinking it was named after me or something, maybe an ancestor or just a really deranged fan. Turns out it had nothing to do with your favorite blogger, but it was the birthplace of PepsiCo. We spent 16.5 hours trying to find an adequate drink that was both refreshing and digestible. You see, New Bern is just close enough to the coast to make the tap water a little marshy. So unless you smuggled in your own cooler of beer, Coca-Cola and bottled water you weren't quenching any thirst in New Bern.

But I digress. I submitted my angst riddled complaint thorough review and suggestion for improvement through the Herschel Walker's Famous 34 Pub and Grill website the next day. If you're as confused and bewildered as I am by this development I would urge you to do the same. It only takes a moment and may save someone's bourbon from being ruined at the bar. Or more importantly, it may save some young child from the despair of a world where a southern restaurant thinks it's okay to save a little coin on the soft drink menu choices.

Yes, I know Herschel has likely never put something as unhealthy as a soft drink into that chiseled body of his. But where in the Sam Hill does someone from Wrightsville GA get the notion to allow a "beverage" like pepsi into his restaurant? That's like choosing a bagel over a biscuit, wasting a decent piece of cheese on a turkey burger, trying to pass off a glass of iced tea with a sugar packet on the side as sweet tea, or saying something like "Bacon is so unhealthy for you".

I just have no more words...I just can''s unthinkable...