Monday, February 4, 2013

Monday's Meatloaf - Law and Order: rinse and spit edition

How many times have you been casually going through your daily motions and you wonder silently or aloud (depending on your own personal level of delirium), "How exactly would one come in contact with a dentist who murders people on the side?" Well, here's how.

And this part of the dentist drama murder mystery you just can't get from the book, the made for tv movie or the Dateline special that aired. Long time ago the wife and I were newly married and newly relocated to Atlanta-Surburbia. We were gainfully employed and one of the fringe benefits of such a status is of course, dental insurance. We found a guy with a practice nearby, made appointments. And as our dumb, shitty luck would have it, Dr. Corbin never even mentioned that he had long ago murdered his girlfriend while in dental school.

Corbin, seen here in retirment.
Understand, I'm not passing judgment here. The guy's on death row serving a life lengthy sentence. He's up to his top bunk mattress in judgment. And Lord knows I've never been in dental school while trying to maintain a relationship with a classmate. So I cannot speak to the unfathomable pressures that such a lot in life could entail. I'm merely explaining that Mrs. Bernie and I were never afforded the opportunity to comprehend the fact that the same hands that were grasping sharp instruments in and around our bicuspids were also the ones that pointed the gun carefully in such a way that the murder would appear as a suicide.

Moving on, as you have surely gathered by now, Corbin escaped Richmond County under a cloud of scrutiny and set up shop in Duluth GA so that he could put his murderous hands inside my mouth. (BTW, what does this have to do with Georgia football? Well, Corbin walked on to the team in the early 1980s with his twin brother. He had team pictures hanging in the waiting area but never spoke too highly of Dooley. Maybe Vince didn't floss much. I don't know that part.) Visits were never comfortable or easy, and I mean beyond the usual tension one feels at the dentist. Hygienists were always on edge, the secretary rarely answered the phone and Corbin grunted a lot. I think he used too much deer antler spray. But that's just a theory.

Things seemed stable, the guy even moved his practice into a nicer facility closer to where we lived. Even so, we moved our dental business in a different direction because Mrs. Bernie could never make an appointment for us as the secretary never answered the phone. Turns out she was fiddling around with Corbin's tools if you know what I mean. That's a theory too, but it's founded in the fact that the secretary was driving the getaway car when they nabbed him for killing his wife in the same way he had killed Dolly Hearn some 14 years earlier.

So how does this relate to the funny story I promised a few weeks ago on Gwinnett County Sheriff Butch Conway? Stay tuned.

Today's Ingredients
- Let's start off with some 'cruitin' stuff. Could Georgia nab Bama commit Tyren Jones late? ecdawg looks at some of the kid's highlights.
- Speaking of Jones, he was involved in some sort of fracas Friday night and will have surgery on his jaw today.
Lady Sportswriter updates us on Davin Bellamy's recruitment.
- Emerson is listing the top recruits of the last decade for Georgia .
- Mat drills are back! Which means 30 days of reading tweets about the players throwing up!
- Nice road win for the Lady Dawgs yesterday in Lexington.
- And Kyle King points out that the Gym Dogs took down a big rival at Stegeman Saturday night.
- After a three game winning streak, Tyler is still cautious to say the least. And he points out why Tennessee on Wednesday will be a bigger test.
- Dexter Morant has left the football team "due to academic considerations".
- If you had not already heard, Richt went ahead and had his hip surgery Saturday. As for the NSD press conference on Wednesday, Felton says he's day to day.
- Lastly, have you seen the rare gem Garbin gave us yesterday?

So Corbin is awaiting trial in jail, where he will eventually plead guilty to two murders in exchange for a needle free end to his existence, and along comes this rich kid that steals a jet in Jacksonville FL to take some buddies on a drunken joyride. They land at Briscoe airfield in Gwinnett County and he's arrested like the little punk that he is.

Sheriff Conway, known to kill two
birds with one stone.
Should've been case closed. But the bond is pretty steep on that kind of thing, so for kicks and giggles the dad starts a war of words when his poor little pipsqueak has some problems with his gums (presumably from drinking too many Bartles & Jaymes at high altitudes, but likely from having just had his wisdom teeth out). The media took it and ran - Dad is throwing big words around and making accusations of mal-treatment in Butch Conway's jail.

Oh. Hell. Naw. Butch took the high road as long as he could from what I recall. But when he'd had enough he'd had enough. Reporters asked for a response and he gave them one. Let me paraphrase:
"Sheriff Conway, the defendant's daddy says his little boy needs his teeth flossed and cared for before getting to pick a toy from the treasure chest in the waiting area."
"Well, we happen to have a former dentist in residence. Perhaps they can be bunkmates."
Sweet Jesus. Where can I cast my eternal vote for this man? The casualness with which he says "Sit down mothereffer. Maybe that's how things are done in St. Augustine, but this here's Georgia. If your boy hadn't landed his gingivitis onto our airfield we wouldn't even know each other's names. So either make bond for the twerp or shut the hell up. I don't give a damn."

I'm not sure whatever happened to the jet setter Daniel Andrew Wolcott. But I'm not willing to go to those lengths just to get an appointment with Dr. Barton Corbin. Here's your fork Reader. Floss afterwards at your own leisure.