Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday's Meatloaf - Nixon's Minions to open for the White Russian Hackers

11:59pm - mix up a "Caucasian": ice to the rim, two parts vodka, one part Kahlua, one part milk
12:01am - discover that Netflix no longer streams "The Big Lebowski"...YGTBGDKMMFers!!
 It really tied the room together.
12:03am - compose scathing email to Netflix higher ups, incidentally click "Save" instead of "Send" and forget about it...
12:05am - discover that I'm hungry and prepare an advanced tactical move on the pantry
12:21am - clumsily complete tactical maneuver, retreat towards sofa
12:22am - rediscover that "The Big Lebowski" is no longer available to stream on Netflix
12:27am - begin another scathing email, sigh deeply but with a sense of accomplishment. Scratch myself while checking Twitter.
12:28am - piss off the edge of the deck and smile whimsically at my apparent grasp of the world
12:31am - decide to rewatch the Washington episode of "Drunk History"
12:41am - while laughing hysterically at Nixon's dumb ass, discover Lay's Sweet Southern Heat chips crumbs on my Drive By Truckers t-shirt. Curse. Much too loudly.
12:42am - Moan. Also too loudly. Lower volume on the remote by pressing the channel up button. Fall into the bottom a bucket of misery where I can't find the show I was watching and become increasingly convinced UVerse is a communiss organization corrupted by Nixon's minions
12:43am - decide Nixon's Minions is the best name for a punk band I've had since Jimmy Carter's Nutskins
12:47am - finish "cleaning" off my shirt
12:52am - begin search for lost remote.......
2:22am - wake up and take my clean shirt upstairs to brush my teeth and stuff

Today's Ingredients
- I'm certainly no Mark Emmert, but it appears to me that Spencer Hall has sufficiently investigated the FIU nekkidities.
-  Blutarsky looks at a concern that has been developing for quite some time. Also, it's good to have someone like Dr. Courson on staff.
- I've never seen Tyler in a Jeter jersey but I join him in dropping the ESPN channels from my cable package denouncing Colin Cowherd as one of the ones that was probably blathering about Tiger yesterday even as Phil was finishing one of the more remarkable rounds of golf ever seen.
- ICYMI, a terrific read about how Aaron Murray has managed his major and his quarterbacking/team leadership duties. DGD.
- DavetheDawg wraps up the Lamont Gaillard commitment succintly. And with a poll. Also, Chris Wilson is the next governor of Georgia. Probably.
- Andrew discovers that Clempson is good at math. Kind of.
- Terrific read by the ABH's Bowers on how Coach Diaz has made the UGA Tennis program a consistent powerhouse.
- And lastly, another great read by Garbin as to why the recruiting process is so fickle and confoundingly frustrating.

Verify our range to target. ONE ping only.
5:21am - awaken to relieve myself and pat myself on the back for remembering to let the dog out
5:23am - back in bed, wonder if I actually did let the do.....zzzzzZZzzz...
7:23am - roll over, moan
7:38am - awaken refreshed with a pulse, turn phone on and begin search for my shorts
7:38 and a half - phone alerts me to 24 new emails
7:39am - "TWENTY four new emails!! That's abuncha shit right there. Something hazza be up witf that...ugh..."
7:40am - read email from GMail team alerting me that some douchebag in Russia compromised my account and that my password was automatically changed but that I should change it again HELLO DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE TYPED TO YOU AT 3:33 IN THE FRIGGIN' MORNING?!??!?!
7:42am - read email from Google Team again but now with the understanding that they are not actually a Navy Seal Team operating from the middle of the Black Sea.
7:47am - Finally realize that my email has been hacked. Shit.
7:59am - Oh. OK. So this means EVERY contact has been exposed to some type of link telling them to lose weight, send their life savings to eastern Nigeria and satisfy their woman by enlarging their...
8:00am - OOOOOOhhhhhMMMMMMyyyyGGGGGGGooooDDDDDD!!!
8:01am - 8:32am - cry uncontrollably in the fetile position with my shorts half on while enjoying the cool temperature of the bathroom tile is a mixed bag of Life Blows and You Ball So Hard Bro.
8:33am - finish fastening my shorts into an acceptable and semi-fashionable position
8:35am - compose BookFace and Tweet of apology to those who suffered from my horribly inept password, that is now "MenudoRULZ!!"
8:36am - 12:31pm - wait for my Mom to text to see if I'm okay.

Moral: Netlix is communiss bastards that sell your password and killed Donny. Life sucks, but you're not dead yet so don't throw ashes into the wind.

And also don't make White Russians at 11:59am.