Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday's Meatloaf - by a show of hands

Ok, I admit. I was morally and ethically outraged over Lester's roster management technique last week with Jeremy Hill's creative reinstatement. Almost as morally and ethically outraged as I was over the judge's decision to slap his wrist. But given some time to digest everything...I think Miles is once again proving to be one step ahead of the rest of us.

To illustrate, here's some ways in which I utilized this technique this past weekend
  • "By a show of hands kids, who thinks Mommy needs to make strawberry shortcake every night?"
  • "Hey y'all, by a show of hands, who thinks the youngest should pull my finger?"
  • "Ok, ok. Let's vote on it. By a show of hands..." (looks around and realizes everyone else is upstairs, eats rest of the bag of Lay's Chicken n Waffles)
"I call em like I wanna see em Coach."
Anyway, so...those results were a mixed bag of opportunity, poor wordage, and absentee ballots. But this revolutionary idea could have serious wide-ranging benefits. Should When Pwnn Wagers calls an unsportsmanlike penalty after a Malcolm Mitchell go ahead touchdown over the Tigers September 28th, while Uncle Verne sells some Miller Lite to the television viewers Coach Richt can stroll to midfield, grab that sonofabitch's microphone and ask, "By a show of hands...was Malcolm being unsportsmanlike when he blew his momma a kiss?"

In Jacksonville, when that lonely gator fan wanders into the Georgia section and starts spouting off at the mouth with his football knowledge (post 1990) and refuses to use a napkin to wipe the nacho cheez wiz off his chin, you can just stand up straight and ask, "By a show of hands y'all, should we help this lonely reptile find a better seat?" Go gatuh! Bye!

And when a one loss SEC Champion trails Oregon and Ohio State in the final BCS standings despite the fact that everyone in the nation knows the Buckeyes are no better than the sixth best team in the nation, I'll just stroll onto the set of the selection show, grab the mic from Fowler, look into the camera and ask, "Show of hands out there America, who'd rather see an actual tackle football team rather than these tattooed Urbanites?"

/drops mic, glares at Mark May and heads to Pasadena

Today's Ingredients
- First off, congrats to friend of the blog David Hale...catching the lead story on the mothership's college football page.
- Kimberley has a nice look at freshman tight end Jordan Davis and his adjustment to Georgia's playbook.
- Tyler finds some comfort in some Auburn press notes. Yes, you read that right. Check it out.
- Speaking of GSB, Tyler let PWD out long enough to kill amateurism. Dead. Thanks guys.
- Meanwhile, in Athens, Weiszer reports that the defensive line is taking to Coach Wilson's way of things.
- Blutarsky asks, "Wherefore art thou Xzavier Ward?"
- In his continuing breakdown of the Capital One Bowl, Ching picks up on what was one of my favorite plays of the 2012 season.
- Ed Thomas looks at a few questions for the defense.
- Elsewhere, Run Home Jack finds Jadeveon Clowney sitting out of scrimmages.
- Remember Mizzou is an actual SEC opponent. And DavetheDawg treats them as such with this preview.
- And over at DudeYouCrazy, Brad attempts to justify an argument for a college football preseason.

It's mid-August. And everyone you meet is happy. Everybody is undefeated and the sun is even shining on Charlie Weis' schematic advantage. Houston Nutt impressions are a dime a dozen.

Sure, there's a little tension. Most teams have a few games circled on the calendar that are causing some stress, even weeks ahead of time. But overall, the general consensus is that the pot of gold is still at the end of everybody's rainbows.

I even got a wave back from our neighborhood Tech fan this weekend. His gaze is usually fixed upon his shoelaces, but he met my greeting and gave me a smile. They're so cute in the summer sometimes aren't they?

Anyway, that's all about to change. I ran some numbers this weekend and it turns out that since 1996 when overtime was introduced, the first weekend that college football is available to fans inside of stadiums and on television sets, roughly half of the teams that play actually lose. Yes, 50% of teams will have a loss even before the second week of the season!

Here's hoping the Tiger tears are big. Have a great Monday Reader. Here's your fork.