Friday, October 18, 2013

Friday Misery - "To catch a Commodore"

And I ain't talking about Lionel Ritchie.

"I wear my eye glasses at noon..."
I'm not going to Nashville. And I'm flat out miserable about it. To all of you who are: enjoy yourselves, have a great time, hunker down. 

And for God's sake...bring home a win!

Hunker > Anchor
I reached out to Nashville's Corey Hart wannabe, Mr. James Franklin, this week for an interview. His response was extremely eager at first, strangely eager actually. Creepy. 

But after consulting with the Supreme Chancellor of Student Athletic Athleticism at Vanderbilt University he hedged. So I asked for a simple statement. Here's his response:
We're not gonna take any shit. (Please pardon my colorful and mildly intimidating language Supreme Chancellor of Student Athletic Athleticism.) I've made this clear from the get go. When Georgia's defensive players started yapping a couple years ago and your defensive coach was really mean to me, I went straight to Coach Richt and told him about it! That's right. We're not going to take anybody's crap without getting even. I'm trying to build a program based on high moral character. And except for some dirty chop blocks and a few rape indictments, we're doing pretty good.

So yeh. There's that. But how you gonna stop Todd Gurley...Michael Bennett....Malcolm Mit.......Keit....(shit!)....Justin Scott- We...(oh dammit!!)...

How you gonna stop Aaron Murray?
"Wanna see my hot tub young man?"
I rest my case. Show up and win. If our minds are back in Athens or in Knoxville or ahead in Jacksonville...well, our chances are cut in half.

While both a hunker and an anchor are "down" in trajectory, one is for winners wanting to rise to the top. The other is for losers waiting to have their battleship sunk.

Let me just break this down for you...
That last section was too woe is me and my woe is just about damn broke. So here's why we win: 

They suck at everything but SATs. 
Their mascot's uni-brow once sat on a stool next to Dateline's Chris Hansen and discussed an online chat log.
Their quarterback's name - Austyn....with a "y"...
They're pure-bred yuppies who'd rather drape a sweater around their necks than strap on a helmet and sweat for a few hours.
Their undergrads play drinking games with chess pieces. 
They rhyme with "dandy". 
Their football players evidently can't get dates by any legal means. 
Their fans do shit like this for giggles. 
The ones that actually tailgate prefer to listen to Nickelback, the muzak version.
They also prefer a chilled, fermented grape over beer. 
Jay Cutler. 
They steal shit from your kicker's duplex while he's kicking the winning field goal. 
Their basketball court is permanently erect. And that's really creepy.
Their football stadium is the 18th largest stadium in the state.
Their players have stars on their helmets but have been tackled by our punter.
James Franklin's transition lenses.
Did I mention their quarterback's name?
When chilled, fermented grapes run out, they break out the Zima.
Out of 74 meetings with Georgia, they've won 18.

And two of those wins came while I was matriculating and Goff was...was....goffing. Times have changed. Let's keep it that way. Cuz The New Vandy TM just creeps me the hell out.

Go Dawgs!