Friday, October 24, 2014

Friday Misery - "Bye" does not = "Off"

Your fake juice makes me sick
sitting there all fat on your bye week hitting F5 refresh on your keyboard like you don't having nuthin better to do than check to see if there's any tiny shred of a morsel of Gurley news even though your chicken nuggets have been burning in the oven for three hours and you've been banned from the dawgvent for over a week you just can't help but resist the urge to scratch your lazy ass so that you can just somehow manage to open this new message bored account and be able to post...

Jus hurd gurlee spended for the res of the seeson. Tessted posituve for meth last weak. I'v gotta go under cover and feed my cat for a minute. Be back tonight with mor detales.
You're gonna need a bigger bridge for your troubled water asshole.

Joy. So proud to call you a fellow fan, dipshit. Does your name begin with a "B" and end with a "ryan Allen"? No? Well, you're soaking in it asshole.

Seriously, you make me sick. I make me sick. She makes me sick. He makes me really sick. We all, as a make me sick conglomerate, make me ill in my stupid stomach. We're like Mark May talking out his mouth hole sideways again stupid. We can't resist looking ahead and past Jacksonville. We just can't resist chattingtweetingtalkingpostingblabbering about how bad Florida is and how dead they are when Gurley gets back there in the Wild Dawg. "They're so bad and Muschamp's gonna get fired and They shouldn't even show up and OMG did you see what Missouri did?"


I'm a dipshit. She's a dipshit. He's mostest definitely a dipshit. Together we're all a bunch of stupid ignorant morons. Way...WAY...WAY!!!!..below Ron Zook level of being and performing as an idiot. Because his sorry ass beat Georgia. TWICE!

Get your head up Captain Craptastic! It's a bye week, but it's not an off week for hating Florida. Because there IS NO off week for hating Florida. We're committed to this every year, every month, every week and every day.


7.6 pounds of a Hersman hopeful
She was rescued from the state of Tennessee. Then brought to the Atlanta area by the good folks at Labrador Friends of the South. Mrs. Bernie wanted to foster her while the little ball of mess waits for her permanent home. We discussed it as a family. I tried my best to temper the enthusiasms of the preteen girls in attendance. I stressed the amount of work a puppy takes. The commitment she would demand. The noise she would generate during hours normally reserved for sleeping.

Lastly I reminded them of the family dog. "Munson" is not always social. Like the old guy running his mouth in between bites of chicken, he's old and set in his ways. Then Mrs. Bernie asked for a show of hands.

The vote was a landslide. So I'd like to introduce you to "Gurley Gurl".

Also known as "Little Miss Pisspot". 

That's how we roll. It's a bye week. Not an off week. Gonna spend it training - doing reps yo! Some crate training, potty training, girly giggles, barking, yelping, 3am yard walking, feeding, sniffing puppy breath, potty training, buying more paper towels, yelping, and more giggling. So let us please close in prayer...Dear Lord, please let us appreciate every moment not subjected to mullets in jorts. Thank you for finding even more spare room in Bernie's House of Estrogen for this adorable ball of fur and please let the cute little booger sleep through the night. Thank you and Amen.