Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Bama week - Bama boots > Bama bangs

Let's take a break from the heavy lifting this morning, shall we?

Remember this lady from that game when Big Game Bob pulled Saban's pants down? 

Her name is Lindee Lou Sue Hickey and she's from the outskirts of Tuscaloosa where she lives with her common law husband Steve and their three parakeets - Bear, Bear 2, and Joe Willie. Her ex-husband has custody of their two girls, so she has to work part time at Dreamland.

No, not Dreamland the restaurant chain. Dreamland Boutique and Tanning Salon.

Steve loves him some Lindee Lou Sue. And Lindee Lou Sue loves her some Red Bull and Tito's. On just a regular Friday night back in Cottondale it's a match made in Heaven. But after a three day trip to New Orleans (one in which she's already spent a minute in the paddy wagon for earning some beads too enthusiastically) and a day long tailgate, even Steve will admit that it can get ugly.

Especially if her muscle memory isn't impaired enough to perform the Top Rope Flyin' Rabid Squirrel of Death Lunge.

Lindee Lou Sue's blood-alcohol level is a modest .26, but her faculties are keen to Oklahoma Mob's cultural insults. Steve remembers all the crushed cans in the parking lot outside and recognizes that gleam in her eye. It's the one she had just before she knocked her half sister's two front teeth out for suggesting Lindee Lou Sue pay her rent before going down to "Eddie's Cheep Liqur Mart [sic]".

Still, Lindee Lou Sue seems willing to go back to her seat and send Steve for another gin and tonic and soft pretzel to help her get through the rest of this menagerie's bullshit with a football game on the side. But Sooner Brat has to get in one more insult.

And Lindee Lou Sue wore her boots.

Sorry, those aren't boots. Lindee Lou Sue wore her "Shit Kickers". Talk about her family all you want. Tell her husband that she wears the pants in the relationship while giving them the double-fingered salute? Fine. You can even suggest that AJ McCarron isn't the best at his trade after that second interception.

But yell something about the size of her coach's genitalia...oh, it's on bitch boy!