Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Gator fan - Chippy Zwitkowski

He's actually kind of a big deal y'all. Here's a sampling of his accomplishments and eclectic eccentricities:
  • is the new night manager at a local Wendy's
  • maintained both a 1.5 GPA and Dean's List all the way through his nine years of undergraduate work at Florida University
  • by using a shovel, he once dug a hole
  • cuts his own hair
  • unlike his favorite gator player, has never murdered anyone!!
  • recently (successfully) switched from velcro straps to shoes with actual laces
  • can operate his mom's convection oven
  • doesn't mind burned tater tots
  • is widely known throughout section 513 in Ben Hill Griffin Stadium as the best heckler of opposing fans' children
  • finished reading his first short story this past summer
  • still doesn't realize Algernon is a fictitious lab rat and is not a city in Central Mexico where the US sends children with mental handicaps
  • got the t-shirt he's wearing for free by means of a shirt cannon at a gymnastics meet
  • paid $28.99 for the jorts
  • neither of those are his bicycles, as he exclusively uses his 'board for transportation
  • while his transcript suggests he once spent a semester abroad, his fraternity brothers know that he was actually serving out six months for aggravated sexual assault
  • is required by law to stay 100 feet away from Alberta Gator
  • shaves his legs
  • carries a "Bad to the Bone" flask in his back pocket...filled with Zima
  • is enthralled by tree leaves
So on Saturday, if you hear something like "Hey kid, your mom looked great wearing my Tebow jersey last night!", you'll know you're sitting near Chippy. 

And that his flask is empty.