Friday, November 6, 2015

Friday Misery - I can't drink you away Georgia

It’s been a long week. You’re a hotshot blogger. You’ve got to meet a deadline. Literally six or perhaps even fewer people are depending on you to amp them up with some Kentucky blue flavored misery. And the only thing swirling in your head are the rumors in the air.

“Pruitt took a dump in Coach Richt’s F-150.”
“McGarity is looking for his balls again.”
“Schotty is thinking of voting for Hillary.”

So yeh, you’ve got nothing.

Then...a text from Hank and a few minutes later the wife cues up a YouTube video from the CMAs...boooooom!!

Let’s do this y’all.

“a thousand proof don't change the truth”
I can’t quit you Dawgs. You could tell me that you once saw Richard Tardits paint his toenails pink. Or that you used Mudcat’s car to give Chubb a ride to Knoxville. Or how Robert Edwards drank Gatorade before the 1997 WLOCP. Orange gatorade. Hell, you could spend your last, dying breath telling me how Herschel actually thought the ball was pretty heavy after all.

Don’t matter. I mean, did I falter when a Dooley wore orange britches? Did I even waver when they turned Pollack into a bulimic Finebaum coattail-rider? Nope.

UGA is in my double helixes. Georgia Red courses through my superior vena cava. No amount of bat shit crazy can make me turn my back on you. You're both the symptom and the cure for my insanity. When the sun comes up tomorrow you can find me doing the same. I’ve been all in since before Joe Waterloo introduced me to Mr. Boston and I’ve been singing Glory Glory in Nama’s shadow since Preston Jones was battling Greg Talley for snaps. The proof on the bottle doesn’t fuzzy my vision and the seal is never cracked without your blessing.

I love you Georgia Football. Like a moth to a flame, I will search you out through all the fog, the mist, and the bullshit. We’ll live together through the highs and the lows, we’ll survive together through the AJCs and the THCs. I can be the Laurel to your Hardy, the Moe to your Curly, the Hunker to your Down, the Baba to your O'Riley. I can’t wait until we meet again tomorrow and turn our gaze towards the Southwest corner. I’m looking forward to hearing the crack of the pads against the backdrop of another Saturday afternoon in Athens.

Pass the glass Georgia Football. The week has given me a pounding on my brain, but the next round is on me Dawgs.

BIG TEAM, little pricks
Lemme cut right to the chaser.

Guy in the Kroger fast lane checkout with the florida walmart can shut your mouth, please and thank you. I like the way your kid disgracefully shakes his head whenever you open your trap. But yeh, shut up.
And whoa boy, Fran Tarkenton….you can most definitely shut your gotdamn mouth. Faton Bauta has more dignity and school pride in one of his pinkie fingers than you could find in any of your beloved checks. The next time you feel it necessary to borrow a shock jock microphone to steal the spotlight so you can throw MY team under the bus, please come on by the house so I can set your shit straight once and for all.

Yes, and anyone else that would like to self-aggrandize or show off their pretentiousness or publicly self-gratify theirowndamnself, you can shut it too. And if you have any trouble with that directive, I have a house full of women that can slap that shit eating grin off your vainglorious face. You’ll blame your Saturday lackadaisicalness on the rain tomorrow, an irreverent stark contrast to Tanner’s crew that’ll have their mudboots in place before dawn. Then there’s those of you that won’t even realize it’s raining because you never even leave your mother’s basement where you have our coach’s face set up as a dart board that you use as your only means of daily exercise. It’s lazy, and poor, and ill-mannered, and cocky, and very Sakerlina-ish to pile on when the team is down just to hear your own whiny-assed Franny voice. It’s low-rent, cut-off jeans extraneous noise to squeal like a little bitch when the players are preparing to play the next game. You’re just a low-blow, talk show ho if you get anything out of throwing the team under the bus you drove into town while honking the horn with the hazards on.

Get a life Tark. Either come out from behind that microphone and speak up like a man, or go back to Minnesota until your balls freeze off once and for all.

Been saying it all week, but it’s time to play football instead of playing on the internet like children. Tomorrow it’s no more message boreds and twitter and innuendo and speculation and scenarios and rumors and soap operas and low budget drama. It’s time to crack some skulls that aren’t our own. It’s time to see just how down our hunker can get. It’s time to set aside this mess we’ve made and sit at the big boy table.

It’s time to be men about our business. It’s time to tee it up between the hedges. Let us pray...Dear Lord, we’ve feasted on ourselves for weeks. Please help us to put down the fork and raise our voices in unison. Also, please help Schotty spell t-o-u-c-h-d-o-w-n correctly. Amen.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

You want answers? ... I WANT THE TRUTH!!

Hey, there's a game Saturday. Maybe you forgot that while wallowing around in your own pity. While you try to think up a new anonymous twitter or DawgVent handle so you can spout venom and regurgitate nonsense, the team is actually practicing for Kentucky!

The texts, the calls, the tweets, the comments....

I get it. But it's November. Richt ain't gonna pull a Spurrier and leave his team during the season with football left on the table. More importantly, McGarity isn't going to read your message bored post and fire anybody. You know why, because no one (of any consequence) would return his call to sign up for 2016 if he did.

You may not like Mark Richt and you may be sick of losing (like the rest of us I might add), but he's Georgia's best coach in the history of the program. There's a myriad of reasons he hasn't been more of a player in the SEC the last decade, most of which falls directly on his shoulders and all of which we can get into once the calendar flips one more time. He's in his 15th year and he ain't going anywhere until he decides he's done.

Maybe that's in a month, or maybe that's in five years. I don't know and I don't particularly care right now to be quite honest. I just want to beat Kentucky. I want to somehow and in some way see a damn touchdown. I want to teach my kids that there are things to really and truly celebrate in life, and watching the Dawgs play in Athens on a Saturday afternoon is one of them.

Maybe you're not that way. Okay. Fine. Please don't let me stand in the way of you and that wall you're banging your head against.

Look, I took my car flags down Sunday just like you. The difference is I had driven 300 miles and was standing in my driveway when they were pulled off the windows. You glanced over each shoulder in the hotel parking lot before breakfast and ripped em down as fast as you could.

Am I disappointed? You better believe it. Do I think the coaches need to answer some hard questions? Absolutely. It's absolutely illogical some of the things I'm seeing! I even suffered through the Bulldog Hotline, aka Lobbing Softballs at the Coach Hour Half-hour, to listen listen to....something.

If you're so pissed that you can't stand it any longer, make a real statement - don't come Saturday, or don't turn on the tv, or don't even get the hell out of bed. That's making a statement if you're truly and absolutely done. It's going to be a noon kickoff after a miserable week. Your empty seat will speak volumes if you can convince enough people to follow your lead.

But that ain't me. Don't hold it against me. But I love Saturdays in Athens and I don't turn my back on my team. Like I said yesterday, every game is going to be a struggle down the stretch. 5-7 isn't off the table, but neither is 9-3. There's a time and a place for asking the hard questions. If you want to drive the #FireEmAll bus, go right ahead. I'm just sitting here with my red pompom waiting on another route to come by.

It's in my blood. I was never guaranteed it'd be easy. And I certainly haven't enjoyed the last month. But I'm supporting my team today just the same was I will come Saturday.

Go Dawgs!

Monday, November 2, 2015

Converting third downs for bowl eligibility

Schottenheimer's offense is coming off a season low in converting third downs after managing just 16% against Florida. Georgia is now next to last in the SEC - 31%. Kentucky is 12th in the conference in opponents' third down conversion rate - 42%.

Something has to give. I mean, right?

We haven't scored a touchdown in nearly six handles of bourbon (that's like my metric system). Most of you that are reading this are here for some commentary on a millionaire's job security. Perhaps find a different blog to read for about a month. 

This is a young team that needs the extra practices. How do you get practices in December? You become bowl eligible. How do you become bowl eligible? You score touchdowns. How do you score touchdowns? You convert third downs. How do you convert third downs? 

Glad you asked.

- You run the damn ball. If the legs of Sony or Douglas or Marshall or our new punter or our old punter get you down the field, don't throw the ball. Run it. RUN IT!! The fans will thank you. The offensive line and the quarterback will thank you. Most importantly, the scoreboard will thank you!
- Speaking of Keith Marshall, he's not his old self. Sure. But you know what, lemme throw this number at you - 5.33. That's his YPC against Florida. That's awesome! Sad part is he only had three carries. He's got fresh legs. Use them.
- Speaking of using them, here's an actual drive chart for one possession (the only possession of the game that saw #4) in the second quarter - Marshall rush for 9 yards, Marshall rush for 5 yards, screen pass to Marshall for 5 yards, Marshall rush for 2 yards...then on third and two, after #4 had gashed them for 14 yards on Theus' hip, Bauta is sacked on a pass play for -3 yards.
- Run the ball. RUN IT!!
- Utilize 26 too. Malcolm Mitchell is better than anybody Kentucky has. Seems like a no brainer, but then again he was better than Florida's defense too. There's not a rule that a receiver can only run routes. Especially when he's your biggest weapon.

Go back and look at the number of passes called on third down, regardless of distance. Schottenheimer's lack of confidence in the running game is staggering.

Every game is gonna be a struggle from here on out. Pruitt's defense will have it's hands full against Georgia Southern and Tech, but should match up well against Kentucky and Auburn. However, they can't be asked to be on the field every couple minutes of game clock. 

And you avoid that by...(say it with me)...converting third downs.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Sunday's thought on not having any answers

I just can't wrap my head around going to the lengths of promoting your third string quarterback, seemingly to utilize his unique skill set, just to run the same plays that didn't score against Missouri.

I just can't.