Friday, October 13, 2017

Friday Misery - pranky and cranky

Is your refrigerator running?

On this episode of "Irascible Midwesterners"...
"Hello, this is Coach Odom returning your call."

"Oh, thanks Barry. My name is Bernie and I just have a few questions."

"It's Coach Odom, or just Coach. Shoot."

"Cool, I was wondering if you'd like to contribute a post to my blog here. Maybe something more in your wheelhouse than college football head coaching. More along the lines of fishing, or word puzzles, or..."

"What? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, head coaching didn't turn out well for you. I just thought a fresh start into something new could potentially benefit both of us." 

"But I'm still the head co..."

"What are some of your non-football related hobbies? Because I definitely don't need you to write about football related things. Like, at all!"

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Oh, comedy. That'd be great Barry! I'm thinking Monday morning for that one. People need a pick me up on Mondays. What else?"

"Seriously, I'm trying to prepare for Geor..."

"What about resume building or interviewing skills. I mean, you really pulled the wool over former Missouri AD Mack Rhoades' eyes! That's something both useful and comical for my Reader."

"What'd you say your name is again?"

"Bernie. You once recruited me as a linebacker. Even though I'm closer to my next colonoscopy than I am a sub 7.0 forty time. Oh! That's an idea, readers love recruiting tales. You got any stories of Pinkel sharing a box of chardonnay with Chase Daniel's mom?"

"This is bullshit! I'm hanging up. The team's out there stretching and I've got a practice to run!"

"Wait, you're still the Missouri head coach?!!?"

--CLICK --

Bye week appetizer
I can kinda relate to how Barry feels. What a week. Monday kicked me in the <clown noises>, and then Tuesday held me up so both Wednesday and Thursday could take turns poking me in the <more clown noises>. If Kirby's taking orders I'll have another divisional opponent blow out and a gator loss chaser please!

To make matters more confusing, nothing about these tigers scare me...and that scares me. I think I've listened to too many people that have us rolling through the rest of the schedule like a 24lb bowling ball, slipping some Rat-X into Saban's Dasani, and then dancing into the second week of January.

That just sets us up to get punk slapped.

But not this week. I think they take some deep shots early. And Lock may even connect for a cheap score before Tucker's Savages expose them for the one-dimensional-deadbeat-offense that they are. Plus, their defense is not just trash, it's a landfill of Harvey Weinstein "pick up" lines. It's a trailer park casserole filled with possum parts and topped with two month old government cheddar. Chaney can name his number and I hope his goes higher than his waistline.

Georgia ensured one coach of a pink slip on Rocky Top a couple weeks ago. Tomorrow night in Sanford they ensure Odom's as well. The only thing left to bet on is if Barry mentions me in the post-game presser.

Now, remove your hats and please bow your head...Dear God in Heaven, please help our most naive fans steer clear of click bait and realize that the season is played in actual games and not in digital print. And help Tucker make Drew Lock a lock to sit on the bench during a fourth quarter blow out. Go Dawgs and Amen!

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Since I came within two meaningless Vandy touchdowns last week of nailing the final score, it only seems fitting that I take a stab at this one:

missouri - 7

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